


what did you bury

by CaptainBushel



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Nicknames, No Smut, Recreational Drug Use, ending is kinda clunky but i just wanted to post this, is the use of weed unrealistic? yes caddy is a hallucinogen man and also i've never done weed so, mentions of parent and sibling death, nothing else is coming to mind so have this child of mine, reader's gender is never actually specified but there's like a couple of mentions implying boobs, shame cant get me now im one of 2 people in this tag, that virgin firbolg ain't fucking yet, there's mentions of the other nein and some talks but like. they ain't important, two clueless idiots get together and form an even more clueless idiot, written to excessive amounts of hozier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 17:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16958766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainBushel/pseuds/CaptainBushel
Summary: Someone springs out of the grave into the graveyard and into an adventure with a firbolg best friend and a group of assholes insisting they love their friend. They don't, right?Right?





	what did you bury

**Author's Note:**

> I started this during nanowrimo and never finished it in november so it's become this! and i'm decently happy, and i'm free of shame because I'm one of two fics in this tag, so! enjoy slowly falling for the big soft man who's your best friend and drinks tea that definitely isn't made out of you. I definitely enjoyed it but who am I to deal judgement
> 
> (also i know some stuff isn't right, but i'm too lazy to fix tiny details so)

Slowly coming to as you lay on your back, you inhaled the scent of wet dirt that seemed to have seeped into Shadycreek Run. Your eyes remaining closed, you shifted your arms from your chest and stretched before your palms hit wood.

 

Your eyes snapped open to the sight of the lid of a coffin above you as the past day came rushing back to you. You began to quickly work, ripping your tattered tunic and wrapping your knuckles before ripping off a sleeve and wrapping the cloth around your nose and mouth as you struggled to keep your breathing even. This was your worst nightmare. You didn’t know where you were, how long it had been, where those bastards who had put you in the dirt were.

 

With a sharp punch, the top of the coffin began to break. You cracked the lid again and again, until you took a sharp breath and punched one more time as dirt poured into the coffin. Pushing upwards, you clawed your way upwards, heart pounding in your chest as dirt filled your ears, your lungs straining the longer you stayed submerged. 

 

Your hand broke through the dirt and you felt rain pattering against your fingers. Struggling, you thrust yourself upwards, head emerging from the dirt as you sucked in a deep breath, throwing yourself onto the freshly turned dirt, gasping and coughing as your legs kicked and you lay among a graveyard.

 

You stayed there for a long moment, staring up at the sky and blinking at the rain and the sunlight falling into your eyes. 

 

Maybe it was time to skip town for good.

 

Pushing yourself into a sitting position, you patted down your pockets, feeling for anything that had been left on you besides clothing. In total, you found one gold piece in your pocket, a hidden dagger in your boot, and a key for something you had hidden well a long time ago with a familiar black pocket square tied to it. As well, there was a wound on your hip that looked infected and would explain the heat radiating from your body.

 

Standing on shaky legs, you slipped the key into a pocket and clung tightly to the dagger as you began to stealthily hobble, pulling yourself from gravestone to gravestone, avoiding trampling the flowers that lay on each grave as to make your tracks easier to cover.

 

The graveyard was large. Huge, you’d go so far as to say. You could tell you were still in the Savalierwood by the hue of the trees outside of the graveyard, but inside, the plant life was rich with green going brown coloration and vibrant flowers. You had already been walking for thirty minutes, and you hadn’t yet seen anything besides gravestones.

 

It was then that you heard someone’s soft conversation and you threw yourself behind a gravestone, your hip crying out in pain as you bit you lip to silence any noises you might make.

 

As you carefully remained still, wishing for your cloak back (you had paid solid money for that, and those assholes robbed you - was it grave robbing if you were technically still alive?), you watched a tall, furry man - one of the firbolg gravekeepers, maybe? - slowly come about, a basket on his hip full of flowers. He was talking to apparently nobody, but as he got closer you could tell he was talking to the flowers he was plucking. Headstone by headstone, he moved closer and closer to your hiding spot as your increasingly shaky hands clung to your dagger. 

 

Soon, he was standing right in front of the gravestone, kneeling down and murmuring something to the flowers that you could now understand.

 

“My apologies, but I’m afraid I need to harvest you for tea. Don’t worry, I’ll leave plenty more.” You heard the snapping of stems, and you took the moment to throw yourself from out behind the gravestone with a scream, attempting to plunge the dagger into the man’s shoulder. However, before you could, two strong hands seized your shoulders and you felt your body withering, black veins spreading across you skin as you gasped, body quivering in his grasp as he slowly lowered you to the ground. He easily plucked your dagger from your hand, slipping it into his belt. “I’ll just take that off your hands,” he murmured, his voice sounding like honey as your head swam and your full body ached with whatever he had just done to you. Your vision going double, you watched as he stood up and pointed at you, blood trickling from your mouth.

 

Magic washed over you, but nothing happened. He frowned and once again the magic ran over your body, but you felt nothing. 

 

As you drifted in and out of consciousness, you felt yourself thrown over the man’s shoulder, limply lying there as he walked, saying words that meant nothing to you until finally you fell solidly unconscious once more. Behind your eyes, images swam in and out of your vision. The man leaning over you, the man pouring something down your throat and you swallowing, him poking your hip- oh, that was real.

 

You jolted with a scream to the sensation of long fingers digging into your flesh, sweat running down your forehead as he frowned down at your body.

 

“Oh, you’re awake. That’s nice,” he calmly said, giving you a genuine, almost dopey calming smile as a bead of sweat clung to your eyelashes and you furiously tried to blink it away. He slowly blinked, his long, cow-like eyelashes framing his eyes. “You’ve got a blood infection from whoever stabbed your hip, I’m afraid.” You nervously laughed, body burning with heat. 

 

“Well, they were trying to kill me,” you got out between gritted teeth as he continued massaging the wound.

 

“That’s not very kind of them,” he calmly responded as his hands began to glow. As he kneaded your flesh through the tunic with his large, paw-like hands, you felt the burning subside for a moment as magic seeped into your body. “There we go. I’m just working on getting a healthy blood flow here,” he slowly said, his voice remaining even and constant. He kept his pink gaze on you, blinking once more with those ridiculously long lashes of his. He didn’t say anything, just letting silence hang.

 

“My apologies for trying to stab you, Mr…?” you prompted, and he grinned.

 

“I supposed I haven’t introduced myself. Clay, Caduceus Clay.” You hesitantly smiled.

 

“Mr. Clay. Okay,” you breathed, head slumping back as you took a few deep breaths. Looking down, you saw that your clothing had been changed: you were in a far too large tunic and glancing about, you spotted the shreds of your old one on the floor with a needle and thread  being made into something new. “Sorry about the stabbing. I panicked.”

 

“I can tell…?” He was clearly prompting for your name, so you quickly gave it to him. He repeated it, seeming to think for a moment. “That’s a lovely name. You’re forgiven. I was just worried you were undead.”

 

“Nope. Just buried alive, however that happened.” He nodded, hands finally leaving your hip as he began to move about the small room you were in, heading over to a small fire over in the corner with a teakettle hanging over the flames. He lifted it off and swiftly poured the boiling water into two cups, setting the kettle down and sprinkling dried flowers into the water. As you watched him do this, you were suddenly gripped with the need to look up, and so you did, taking in the hundreds of bundles of flowers slowly spinning above your head, all different colors and shapes and in different stages of drying.

 

“I pick my own,” he said without looking at you, still bustling about, moving things like a breastplate and large wooden staff further into the corners they rested in, and you couldn’t help but feel you were taking up most of his already limited space. Slowly, you pushed yourself upright, moving to hop out of the bed while his back was to you. “Stay there,” Caduceus called behind him without ever once looking at you, making you jump. His pierced, fey-like ear flicked as he went digging in a small trunk. “I’d let you go, but I’m afraid that your infection will just come back if you leave too soon.” You opened your mouth to complain as he turned around to look at you, trying to come up with some excuse, say you had somewhere to be, say that you had a home to head back to. But as you sat there, mouth open like a fish, you realized you couldn’t go back to Shadycreek anyways. 

 

You shut your mouth with a clicking of teeth and laid back down again, curling up in the tunic that went down to your knees and removed your need for pants entirely. You turned your back to the room, facing the wall with your arms pulled in close to your chest

 

Caduceus let you sulk. He left you alone for a few minutes until a gentle hand rolled you over onto your back and he passed you a cup of tea. You sat up, wordlessly taking it as he hummed his approval, a gentle hand patting your back before he left the room to go about his business.

 

For the next week, that was how life with Caduceus Clay, the guardian of the Blooming Grove, went. He would wake you every morning with a cup of tea, gently massaging your hip as divine magic oozed from his hands, ignoring your occasional grunts and complaints as he worked. He would let you roll over and go back to sleep (he always woke you far too early in your opinion) while he carefully got his things ready for the day, and then he would leave for his morning work. By the time he got back, you were always restlessly waiting as he took whatever he had gathered and the herbs he had lying about to make a meal of some kind, usually a soup. That was usually when you talked. About your injury, about the grove, about his goddess (he followed the Wildmother, you quickly learned), or sometimes conversation ran dry and the two of you simply ate in silence. After that, he would clean the dishes and he would go back out. When he went out for evening work you could always hear him rustling about, whistling some tune you didn’t know.

 

At lunch at the end of the first week, he brought up something exciting.

 

“I think you’re well enough to join me this evening,” he said as he carefully cleaned the bowls with a damp rag that he always rinsed well to make sure the bears in the woods didn’t come towards the grove in hopes of a meal.

 

“I am somewhat tired of doing nothing all day, yeah,” you commented as you sat upright, turning so your legs dangled from the bed, feet brushing the ground ever so slightly.

 

“I could tell.” He gathered a few things and brought them over to the bed, laying some pieces of folded cloth onto your lap. As you unfolded them, you found a chest wrap made of your old tunic, a new tunic that looked very much like Caduceus’ shirt but smaller (you could tell by the stitches that it was altered by hand), and your freshly patched pants. “I’ll wait just outside, call when you need me,” he murmured as he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder before leaving the room and gently shutting the door behind him, his long sleeve almost getting caught.

 

You quickly got dressed, not bothering with boots, and hopped to your feet with a grin.

 

With a gasp of surprise, your hip crumpled under the weight and you smacked into the floor with a groan. The door softly opened and gentle hands lifted you to your feet, an arm sliding around you as Caduceus came to stand next to you. It was then that it hit you just how tall he was, but you shoved that into the back of your mind for later. He didn’t chastise you for not asking for help, he just smiled his dopey smile and helped you hop outside. 

 

The room outside the room you had been living in was larger, with a small altar and prayer mats that were clearly kept clean by Caduceus, and a few benches as if for a service. You knew this was a temple to the Wildmother, an outlawed goddess in the Empire, but… it was sad to see the empty room with sunlight filtering through the windows, showing the dust. As you hopped through, you saw the dirt you were kicking up along the way and mentally noted that you should clean the temple. Caduceus pushed open the door to the outside and you had to squint at the light as he led you out, your eyes struggling to adjust.

 

The first thing you noticed was just how beautiful the Blooming Grove was. The dirt was a deep, rich brown that was damp under your feet, and you could see rain that had gathered on the flowers, a drop of water falling into your hair from above and making you jump. Caduceus laughed at that, a rumble deep in his chest that made you grin. You had never heard him laugh. He helped you over to a small garden with vegetables and fruits growing, gently setting you down on the dirt and patting the top of your head in a familiar way.

 

“Do I get to help?” Caduceus slowly sat down before answering, pulling a few small plants from the dirt and pulling apart the roots before setting them in a pile.

 

“Of course. Just be careful with that hip. Once I’ve worked that infection entirely out of your system, I can heal it for you.” You nodded, scooting forward, beginning to mimic his actions, pulling out the weeds from the dirt.

 

The two of you worked in silence for a long time, the only sounds the singing of birds and the forest around you as well as the pulling of weeds from the dirt.

 

“How can you heal, anyways?” You didn’t make eye contact, continuing to pull weeds in case you had overstepped Caduceus’ boundaries. “There’s people in town who have herbs and all, but I’ve never met anyone like you. Not with healing magic.” He hummed noncommittally, gentle hands continuing their work.

 

“It’s a gift from the Wildmother for caring for her grove. A gift I use to the best of my abilities,” he said, voice slow and calm as always. “It’s her wishes I carry out. I wait here for her.” You nodded, swallowing and not making eye contact even as you felt Caduceus’ pink eyes boring into your skull. “What was your line of work?” You were silent for a moment, messing with the last few weeds you had pulled.

 

“Nothing like yours. My line of work was nothing like yours.” You glanced up and his pink eyes stared into yours, seeming to stare directly into your twisted guts and taking in your slightly shaking hands. You yanked your gaze away, shredding the roots of the weeds you were holding and putting them in the slowly growing pile as you edged away from Caduceus to keep picking weeds. 

 

After a long minute, his hands resumed their work.

 

You didn’t talk to him for a few hours after that. The two of you made your way around the food garden, Caduceus getting mostly the inner weeds while you plucked the outside ones, injured hip stretched out. He silently helped you back up and into the main part of the temple, setting you down on one of the pews before heading back outside and bringing in the weeds and setting them in a pile on the temple floor. He fetched some of the water he got every morning and poured some of it into his old pot and left some in the bucket, and slowly he began to sort through the weeds, rising the dirt from them and putting them in the pot.

 

“Please don’t tell me that’s dinner.” Caduceus didn’t look up from his work as he responded.

 

“I’ll have to make preserves and can the garden so they’ll last us through colder months. I have a few things that will grow right before the coldest part of the year, but without preserves there’s nothing.” You crossed your arms over your chest and didn’t dignify him with a response, instead turning around and looking about the temple a little bit more. In the corner, you spotted a few ragged sheets and you frowned, realizing this must be where Caduceus was sleeping since you were occupying his bed.

 

You ultimately ate the soup he put together for dinner and went to sleep to the sounds of him bustling about the temple.

 

In the morning, as always, Caduceus woke you up with a cup of tea gently eased down your throat, made with the last water from yesterday. Half awake, you drank the tea with one of your hands and one of his on the cup, trying to ignore the way it burned your tongue ever so slightly. He cleaned up the teacups and sat down on the edge of the bed, hands gently massaging your hip as he hummed and divine magic flowed into you. “There we go,” he murmured, brushing your head from your face and tucking you back in for more sleep. Before he could leave, you grabbed his wrist, holding on tightly and making him look back at you. “How can I help?” You let go, mumbling and gesturing before you managed to form words.

 

“Walking stick,” you mumbled, eyelids fluttering. “So I can…” you lamely fumbled around for the word. “... walk.” Caduceus nodded, smiling down at you and patting your head.

 

“Easy enough.” With that he left and you drifted back asleep, hands resting on top of the covers. 

 

By the time you woke again, a smooth walking stick was leaned against the wall by your bed and Caduceus had disappeared again. Grabbing the stick, you pulled yourself to your feet, keeping your injured leg off the ground as you half dragged yourself around the temple, doing your best to stay upright. You hobbled over to the makeshift bed Caduceus was sleeping on and began ruffling through the paltry sheets. There was practically nothing there. Turning around, you began to drag yourself back to the small room with the stick.

 

With a great deal of difficulty, you managed to carry over a pillow and another blanket that you pulled from the bed to pad his sleeping area a bit more. By the time Caduceus came back with the day’s scavenged lunch, you were back in bed, sweating slightly. You weren’t sure if your fever was coming back, but you definitely felt horrible.

 

“Oh dear,” was all Caduceus said when he returned, basket full with the most food you had seen yet. Setting the basket down, he came over to you and gently placed a hand across your forehead with a frown. “What did you do?” He didn’t sound angry, his voice still the constant it always was as he began searching through pouches of dried flowers for tea.

 

“I’m taking up your bed, so I went and put a pillow and another blanket on the bench where you are.” Caduceus sighed, putting some water on to boil before coming and sitting on the edge of the bed. 

 

“I appreciate the thought, but I’m afraid you need those more than I do.” You frowned.

 

“But this is your home.” Caduceus just shook his head tiredly, and you for the first time noticed how uncomfortably defined the muscles in his neck were, and the lack of any fat over them.

 

“I appreciate the thought.” Grabbing the basket of scavenge, he began sorting out the items. You watched as he got up and grabbed a few old, discolored jars that he brought back over to the bed before carefully picking out items and placing them in the jars. A few berries were put in one jar, and a few root vegetables in another, but he left most of the food for lunch.

 

He made lunch and gave you a serving of both the food and a cup of tea, and you ate in silence.

 

When he went out for his afternoon to evening work, he quietly took the stick with him and shut the door.

 

It was a week before you got to see the stick again. A long, boring week of being stuck in the room, having your hip massaged twice daily now, once in the morning and once in the evening to keep the blood flowing. Tea twice a day to make sure your fever didn’t return, and hours of crawling around the room looking through his things because there was nothing else to look at.

 

At the end of the week, he took you back out for more afternoon work, giving the stick back and still half carrying you outside. You glanced at his bed (he had sneakily returned the pillow and blanket in your sleep) with a frown but said nothing. Once outside, he set you down on the dirt again before going back inside and fetching water. You watched as he gently went around, watering each plant on by one.

 

“Can I leave the room without you yet?” Caduceus thought for a moment, continuing his task as he did so.

 

“It would probably be a good idea to get you walking again,” he murmured, setting down the water and tiredly scratching at his vibrant pink beard. He looked around the garden before picking the water back up and continuing his work. “Once I’ve finished this, we can get you to the river. Clean you off.” You nodded, grabbing the stick that was set on the ground next to you and laying it across your lap.

 

“When do I get my dagger back?” Caduceus smiled, but he didn’t seem to mean it.

 

“When I’m confident you won’t be using it against me.” You groaned, flopping onto your back.

 

“I said I was sorry,” you mumbled, dejectedly looking up at the sky. “And it’s not like I can currently survive without you. I can’t even walk,” you continued, crossing your arms over your chest. You heard Caduceus set down the water pail, and he came over and gently lifted you by your armpits.

 

“Your arms are fine to stab me with,” he joked, handing you the stick and sliding an arm around your waist again as the two of you slowly began to move away from the temple, you poking at Caduceus and him amicably responding with his always-happy grin. The walk to the river was not easy, Caduceus needing to carry you on his shoulders at points, but eventually you could hear the water running, and the two of you broke from the trees onto the bank of the river. Caduceus set you down with your bare feet near the water before he casually wiggled out of his shirt and set it down, weighing it down with a few rocks. He turned his pink gaze to you, slowly blinking with those long lashes of his. “Wouldn’t want your clothing to get ruined.”

 

You blinked for a moment before wiggling out of your shirt, leaving on the chest wrap and your pants and staring him down, uncomfortably aware of his eyes on the scar that ran from your clavicle to your hip. Caduceus just tilted his head to the side.

 

“Clothing doesn’t dry well.” Oh. So you had to be fully naked. In front of a man you didn’t really know. He calmly turned his back as he tucked your shirt under the rocks with his, allowing you the privacy you needed to remove the rest and wiggle into the water with a yelp. It was  _ cold _ . You edged far enough into the water to be fully covered, sitting on the rocks that comprised the bed of the river. Caduceus soon followed as naked as the day he was born, walking much further into the river and shoving his head underwater. You watched a few bubbles rise as he left his head under there, growing more anxious as he continued.

 

Eventually he popped back up, pink hair soaking wet as he began wringing it out.

 

“Come further in, your hair is full of dirt and sweat.” You put a hand against you chest in mock offense before edging in further, remaining seated as you got to water deep enough to dunk your head in, holding your breath as you furiously scrubbed at your scalp, watching the dirt flow into the current and be swept away. Popping back up, you saw that Caduceus had sunk into the water up to his shoulders, the current gently tugging at his hair. “That’s better.”

 

“Are we still within the grove?” He nodded, rubbing at the pink hair that grew thicker than the hair that covered all of his body, trying to clean the dirt from it.

 

“I don’t leave the grove.” You frowned, uncomfortably shifting among the rocks.

 

“Have you ever left the grove?” He frowned.

 

“Yes, but not often. My parents were in charge of that.” You edged closer to him, standing on one leg and gently bumping your shoulder against his.

 

“Honestly, it’s probably for the best that you’ve never left the grove,” you mumbled. “Shadycreek Run isn’t a good place. Doesn’t make good people.” Caduceus nudged you with his shoulder, getting off of his knees and standing upright so that the water came up to his bellybutton.

 

“I can tell.” You blinked in surprise as he slowly made his way out of the water, tail flicking behind him as he made his way onto the bank of the river, shaking himself off like a dog before pressing the water out of his hair. You stayed in the river, mouth open to bite back with words that were caught in the choking sounds in your throat. 

 

If only he wasn’t right about that.

 

You began scooting out of the river, Caduceus keeping his gaze averted as he passed you your clothing. You quickly wrapped your chest, trying to shake yourself off to remove the excess dampness as you pulled back on undergarments and pants, followed by your shirt as Caduceus passed you the stick and picked you up again.

 

You didn’t talk to him on the way back.

 

He made dinner in silence, and you spotted him grabbing something from a pouch you had never seen opened. You ate dinner, he ate dinner, and then he went out into the temple to do his evening tasks while you laid down and tried your best to sleep. But you were left tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable while your gut ached with anxiety.

 

After an hour, you stood up and began edging along the wall, doing your best to not fall as you made your way out into the temple. 

 

The room smelled of smoke tonight, and you could see Caduceus on his bench in the darkness, sitting cross-legged with a pipe in one of his hands as he blew smoke from his mouth. You watched him for a while, leaned against the wall in the shadows where you didn’t think he could see you. Slowly, you made your way over to him, sitting down on the bench next to him. You wanted to press your side against his, to comfort you in your inability to sleep, but he had caused it. 

 

After a while of sitting in silence, he gently passed you the pipe without a word. You put it to your lips and took a long drag, letting smoke billow out of your mouth before you took another long drag.

 

“Slow down,” he murmured. “It’s strong.” His careful hands took the pipe back from you, taking another drag for himself. “It’s good for relaxing.”

 

“I couldn’t sleep,” you whispered, looking down at your hands as you felt the drug beginning to hit your system. “And I know you’re always awake longer than me for whatever reason.” He nodded, gently handing the pipe back to you and letting you have another go before he took it away again.

 

“What’s the scar from?” You laughed slightly, blinking as your eyelids grew heavier.

 

“I, uh, did a stupid thing when I was younger,” you mumbled. “I got really,  _ really _ drunk, and someone dared me to fight one of the bears in the woods.” He handed the pipe back, and you took in more of the intoxicant before handing it to him again. “So I did. I won, but then I almost died, so like, they didn’t really count it as a win, but I did win.” You laughed, tiredly flopping so your face was pressed against Caduceus’ shoulder, wheezing with laughter. “Oh, this  _ is _ strong,” you giggled as Caduceus picked you up and began carrying you back to the small back room.

 

“You’re… an interesting person,” he calmly said, his voice rumbling in his chest. Gently, he set you down on the bed, tiredly brushing loose strands of hair away from your eyes with a sigh. “Sleep well.” You nodded, gently reaching up and grabbing his hand.

 

“You too, Caddy,” you mumbled, letting go of his hand as drugged sleep finally came to you. 

 

In the morning, as he always did, he woke you up with a cup of tea, helping you drink it before he sat down on the bed and gently massaged your hip again, not letting you squirm away when his fingers sank into a particularly tender piece of flesh. As always, he held on tightly, continuing to work through your small noises of complaint. Today, a different flow of energy seeped into your body, and you felt parts of your hip seem to close up neatly, aligning correctly with each other. You looked up in confusion, furrowing your brow.

 

“What was that?” He gently grabbed your hands, pulling you to your feet suddenly, letting you lean against his hands while he carefully walked from side to side, inspecting the way you stood. “What’s happening,” you sleepily muttered, blinking as you tried to clear the sleep from your eyes.

 

“Your infection is completely cleared. Now I’m working on pulling the muscle back together,” he calmly said, pulling away his hands and watching as you yelped and rightened yourself. “So you can walk again.” You blinked in surprise, tiredly falling back onto the bed after your hip rapidly started complaining.

 

“So you can send me home?” He tilted his head to the side and nodded calmly, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. “But I- there’s nothing for me there? They’ll just try to kill me again,” you said, gripping the sheets tightly, your voice getting almost desperate. Caduceus looked at you for a moment before fetching his pipe again, using a spark of divine flame to light it again.

 

“One dose,” he said as he passed it to you. You took a long, deep drag and exhaled billowing smoke as he gently eased the pipe from your hands. “We’ll figure something out for you.” He snuffed the pipe with his hand, suffocating it before setting it aside. “Come on.” He gave you a pair of overly big boots that you slipped on before he pulled you upright again, grabbing a basket and holding it at his hip as the two of you headed outside.

 

You were hit in the face with a smashing cold that made you shiver when it touched your skin, your breath billowing in front of you much like the smoke just had. Caduceus took you over to the garden, gently letting go of you as he hurried into the garden and began harvesting the food. Getting the gist of what he was doing, you hobbled behind, plucking what you could and carrying it over to put in his basket.

 

“It’s getting cold,” he murmured, seeming to not want to disturb the morning air. “If I don’t get to work on preserving these now, the frost will rot them.” You nodded, placing a handful of berries in the basket. “I’ll work on getting these down to preserves,” he mumbled, more to himself than you. “And then I’ll can the vegetables, and revive the sourdough, thankfully the people who brought you brought me flour, enough to last us a while, I would hope.” You just nodded along with his talking, continuing to put things into the basket. He continued to mumble to himself, hands never ceasing their work as he mumbled about preparations for the winter.

 

“Caduceus,” you murmured, gently nudging him with your shoulder just hard enough to get him to stop talking to himself and focus on you. “If you give me my dagger, I can leave the grove and get some things for myself? You already don’t eat a lot,” you mumbled, intermittently making eye contact with him. “And I can find some things for myself.” He looked at you for a moment before quickly nodding, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the dagger he had taken from you what had to have been at least a month ago.

 

“Don’t stray too far,” he immediately said as you began to hobble away, looking back over your shoulder at him. “The bears are held back by the wards, but not for a long distance.” You nodded, and with that you were off. You slid out of the gate almost silently, evening out your breathing and stepping so that you wouldn’t make a noise. You began carefully making your way between the trees, searching for tracks on the ground. 

 

It took almost an hour of staying low to the ground, searching for the pattern of footsteps that signaled a rabbit or two, before you found two side by side, searching for the last bits of grass. 

 

You crept closer, staying hidden, making sure they couldn’t see you, aiming with your dagger.

 

With a swift throw, you impaled one through the head and managed to descend quickly enough on the second one that could quickly snap its neck, easing it to the ground as it spasmed a few final times. 

 

“It’s okay,” you muttered, looking about to check and make sure no predator was closing in on your two kills. “It’s over now.” Taking your dagger from the first rabbit, you wiped the blood off on the leaves before picking them both up by the haunches and putting your dagger back into your boot. In the Savalierwood, there was no time to start working on picking apart your hunt. The bears moved quickly when well motivated, and nothing motivated them more than hunger.

 

You gathered wood along the way as you went, picking up twigs that you hauled back. 

 

As you slipped through the gate again, shutting it behind you, you saw that Caduceus was not longer outside, and you could smell a fire from inside the temple. So you sat down in the dirt outside, lit a fire in the dirt, and begin taking the rabbits apart. You used a bucket that he had left outside to drain the blood into, attempting to remove all that you could before you went to carefully skinning them, your dagger cutting it off with precise lines and then scraping the sinew from the inside before stretching the pelts out on a few sticks the best you could from memory. Then you went to the work on the meat, cutting off thin slices with your dagger and skewering the meat before carefully making a circle of skewers. By the time you prepared all the meat, the fire was going just the way you wanted, hot, but not too hot as you jostled the wood to keep it going, feeding it as you went.

 

Caduceus came outside, nose twitching as he stared down at your work, his face scrunching up a bit.

 

“Did you have to do that?” You looked back at him, tilting your head to the side. “I’m all for the continuation of the natural cycle, but…” he trailed off, flicking his pierced ear. “I don't particularly enjoy being that part of it.” You threw the rabbit bones onto the fire, not making eye contact with him as you jostled the coals again.

 

“You don’t have to eat it. But I want something for winter. And you have to eat too, and I don’t like being hungry all the time.” He was silent for a bit, standing behind you quietly before coming forward and taking the two rabbit pelts.

 

“I’ll dry these and sew something,” he calmly said, going back inside to the smell of cooking fruits. 

 

You spent most of the day smoking the meat, Caduceus bringing you lunch before he took the bucket of blood out into the graveyard. He came back with a bucketful of flowers that he brought inside to begin sorting. When the rabbit was done, you packed it up in the fabric of what you normally used for chest binding, figuring that you could replace the cloth later. For dinner, you offered Caduceus a few bones but he declined, instead watching from afar as you cracked open the charred bones and sucked out what marrow you could, knowing that you probably looked like a wild animal but not caring. For you, it was the best meal you had eaten since arriving. 

 

The next few days you spent by Caduceus’ side, helping him stir old pots full of fruits breaking down into sugarless jams, preserving vegetables to the best of your abilities and putting it all into old, weathered jars that he had clearly used for this purpose for years. A few times he let you go out for your own food, and you managed to get what you thought must be at least ten pounds of rabbit meat smoked for storage. One night you just roasted part of one for a dinner and ate it, not caring about the need for storing that Caduceus kept pushing on you. Every night, you went to bed and he was still working, and every morning, you woke up to him with a cup of tea and the smell of him working. 

 

“How long does this stuff usually last you anyways?” Caduceus kept stirring as he looked up at you, your limbs pulled in close to your body as your hip ached from the cold floor as a reminder of your injury.

 

“Most of the cold season. I usually don’t eat a few days.” You looked at him in shock.

 

“You don’t eat? At all?” He shook his head, taking another drink from the teacup next to him. 

 

“I drink tea when I feel hungry instead.” You blinked a few times, poking the fire to keep it going as his pot bubbled away. “I can’t leave the grove. The wards will deteriorate, and things can get in that shouldn’t.” You bit your lip and nodded, not making eye contact. “They’re hungry months.” 

 

“You barely eat enough for any month to not be a hungry month,” you pointed out, gently hitting his sternum with the palm of your hand before standing up and nervously pacing around.

 

“If you’re going to be up and about, can you bring me the rabbit pelts?” You silently nodded and hurried into the small room, digging around before returning with the pile of pelts and his needle and thread. Humming as he sat on the floor, he threaded his needle and began sewing the pelts together, leaning his back against one of the benches and giving the pot an intermittent stir.

 

You stayed on the ground for a bit, poking the fire to keep it going, but after a short bit you abandoned the task in favor of getting up onto the bench he was leaning against and sitting behind him. Scooting forward, you hooked one leg over either shoulder so that your feet lazily dangled down onto his chest. 

 

“What’s happening?” You ran your fingers through the loose curls of his hair, brushing against his undercut with your fingertips.

 

“I want to play with your hair because I’m sick and tired of all this preparing for everything,” you mumbled, fingers deftly sectioning his hair and beginning to french braid it. 

 

“Oh. My sister used to do this sometimes,” he calmly replied, continuing to work. 

 

“I did it for my sister,” you replied, watching his ears perk up.

 

“You had a sister?” You nodded, then realized he couldn’t see you.

 

“Yeah. Younger one. She loved braids and leather working. Frequently combined the two. She’d make me braid leather into her hair,” you said, smiling slightly as you kept braiding.

 

“Where is she now?” You frowned, biting your lip and pulling a little bit more sharply on one piece of vibrant pink hair. 

 

“Dead. She got in the way of the wrong people and was delivered back home in six separate boxes.” Caduceus fell silent for a moment, continuing his work. 

 

“My sisters and my brother left,” he murmured, continuing to stitch before giving the pot a few good stirs. “Became paladins of the Wildmother. Fight back physically.” You pressed your lips together, finishing off the braid and twisting so the curls would hold it in place for a bit. “I was the runt, so the temple became my responsibility.”

 

“Are you sad that you didn’t get to be a paladin?” Caduceus was silent for a long time. You waited, still draped on him as your fingers nervously played with his buzzed hair and you prayed you hadn’t overstepped a boundary. 

 

“I do enjoy my work for the temple, holding things back at home,” he carefully began. “But I am… a little bit sad that I could not go out into the world with them. I miss them, mostly.” You nodded before leaning down and wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your forehead against the back of his head and hugging him tightly. 

 

“You kinda piss me off sometimes, but I’m glad you’re in charge of the temple and not your siblings. Sometimes you get on my nerves, but…” you hesitated for a moment. “You’re really nice to me and it’s… nice? I don’t know.” You fell silent again, clinging tightly to him and squeezing your eyes shut. 

 

A gentle hand came up to rest on your hair, softly patting your head as you inhaled the earthy scent of his hair.

 

“I’m glad to have you around too,” he gently said, comforting you as you clung to his head. “It’s nice to have somebody around to talk to.” He continued his work with you still holding on tight to him, your grip slowly but steadily loosening as you shifted your head so your chin was resting on top of his head. While he worked, you drifted off, cheek pressed against his hair until he gently tapped you and woke you up.

 

The sun coming into the temple was at an angle now, and as he closed the door with a bit of magic, you shivered at the blast of cold air that it pressed into the room. The cold months always hit hard and fast out here on the edge of the Empire.

 

“Can you fetch some more jars?” Nodding, you detangled your body from his head, making your way to the back room and digging around for more empty jars. You came back with an armful, setting them on the floor as Caduceus slowly poured the thick substance into the jars one by one. “I think the preparing is almost over,” he murmured. “Frost will take hold soon.” You shrugged, sneaking a taste of the reduced fruit. It wasn’t bad for being sugarless. 

 

“If we run low, I can get myself food. I know how to smoke rabbits out, and when I’m lucky I can find a stash of acorns that some squirrel hid.” Caduceus nodded, drinking from a cup of tea that he must have poured while you slept. 

 

“I should clean out the stone oven. I revived the sourdough starter for bread, and that’s always nice to have in winter.” You made a small noise of surprise, screwing the tops onto the jars and beginning to gather them in your arms. 

 

“We have an oven?”

 

“It’s currently full of things that shouldn’t be in an oven, but yes. I’ll have to figure out where I’m storing everything, because I’ll need to move my sleeping arrangement into the back room and take up the floor, which will take up a lot of space.” You blinked in surprise, arms full of jars of preserve. 

 

“We could just share the bed. I’ve seen you naked as the day you were born, and I run cold. I’d rather not be freezing cold every night,” you said, looking at him curiously. He slowly blinked, and you couldn’t help but watch the slow rise and fall of his eyelashes. You still hadn’t gotten used to their ridiculous length.

 

“That will make things easier.” He seemed to begin internally mulling over the organization, so you carried the jars to the back room, stacking them on some of the wall shelves that you had to admit had never felt the most stable. But then again, everything in this temple was old and had never been replaced. When things broke, they were fixed again and again. As you finished putting the jam away, Caduceus came in and you quickly hopped up onto the bed to make room for him. 

 

You watched as he cleared out a hole in the wall that you assumed had been carved for storage space, watching as he removed various things that you had no idea what their purpose was and setting them on the floor before opening a small sliding panel in the wall that revealed yet another layer of stuff, this time mostly dried herbs.

 

“Oven.” You nodded, still standing on the bed as Caduceus tended to take up all of the walking space in the room. “But I need a place to store these.”

 

“Maybe put your armor and staff under the bed and put them where those were?” He seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding and quickly making the adjustment. “Do we have anything else to do today?”

 

“I’ll need to fold up the prayer mats and store them soon, but that can wait I think,” he murmured, familiar smile on his face as he looked about the room. “I should make a dough and let that rise overnight.” Reaching under the bed again, he pulled out a large sack labelled “FLOUR” and also grabbed a jar that smelled strongly of yeast. Grabbing a clean pot, he began mixing the two together, leaving behind some of the yeasty mixture as he worked the quickly forming dough. You sat down on the bed to watch, getting the sense that you wouldn’t be able to squeeze out of the room until he decided he was done.

 

“I’m tired of all of this preparation,” you muttered, resting your head in your hands while you watched. “I miss just continuing with life during the cold months. And the festival.” You were silent for a moment. “I was going to ask if you missed that but you’ve lived here your whole life,” you mumbled, lying down and curling up under the blankets to get more comfortable. “But I kinda miss it. It was always a fun time where I could get sweet things and eat too much and be safe and warm,” you continued. You were quiet for a long moment, just listening to Caduceus’ silence and the kneading of the bread dough. He threw in a few herbs, and pinch of his precious salt. “At least I’ve got you.” He looked up with a smile, hands never ceasing their work.

 

“You do have me.” You grinned back at him, pulling the covers up to your chin and your knees to your chest.

 

“See you in the morning, Caddy.” You closed your eyes, letting the sound of him working lull you as it had for so many nights.

 

“See you in the morning, dewdrop.” You opened one eye, looking at him curiously.

 

“Dewdrop?” He nodded, looking back down at his dough as he covered the pot with a cloth and set it aside, standing up to make his way back into the temple area and clean up.

 

“It seemed fitting.” With that he shut the door behind him, leaving you turning over the nickname in your head until you fell asleep.

 

You woke up in the morning to the smell of baking bread, a thin layer of sweat on your forehead due to the two fires burning in the room. Caduceus had the teakettle on to boil, and he was going around the room, clearly trying to sort the prepared food in order of how quickly it would spoil. You sat upright, swinging your legs off the bed and kicking them back and forth. Outside, you could hear the patter of rain.

 

“What time is it?” Caduceus looked over at you, setting down the food he had been holding and coming over to the bed. 

 

“Later than usual. I had to handle a visitor this morning,” he said, and you looked at him curiously. “A bear was getting too close to the wards. I had to reinforce them and drive it off,” he said, and you noticed the tired, sunken in look on his face as he stood by the bed. “I didn’t get to fixing it all until just ten minutes ago. It must be nearly noon, but with the rain…” He tiredly looked to the few tall windows close to the top of the room.

 

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, heading over to the teakettle and pouring the water over the already prepared cups of dried flowers. He stayed by the bed as you brought him his cup, gently bumping him with your hip so he sat down on the bed. “Let me take care of things this morning.” Caduceus opened his mouth as if to object, but he stayed on the bed and let you bustle about the room. He quietly watched as you pulled the bread from the oven and dropped it into the pot he had kneaded the dough in before sticking your dagger in the pot and cutting into the loaf. You fetched a jar of preserves and spread some over four slices, making sure there was plenty on each piece before putting the jar back and coming over to the bed. 

 

Sitting down, you stuck one piece in your mouth before handing two of the last three to Caduceus, watching carefully as he began eating. You tore into the hot slices of bread, eating them quickly before going back to the slightly cooled loaf and bringing it back to the bed.

 

“It’s best warm. Might as well eat it now,” you said. You saw Caduceus hesitate, clearly wanting to say you should save the bread, but instead he demolished his first two slices before waiting for you to cut him a third. You did, cutting yourself a third slice too and sitting with him as the two of you began to make your way through the loaf.

 

You got about halfway through before Caduceus cut you off, gently taking the loaf from your hands and standing up before placing the loaf back in the pot.    
  


“It will be good for a few more days, and we don’t have bread often.” You nodded, watching as he came back to the bed and sat down, gently pulling your hip onto his lap and beginning to dig his fingers in as always. You made a face but didn’t resist, keeping your eyes trained on him as he worked.

 

“When is my hip going to be all better?” He looked over at you, just catching your wince of pain as his thumb pressed into a particularly tender spot.

 

“It depends, dewdrop. Because I had to spend so long working on keeping the infection from killing you and getting it out of your blood, it’s likely it’ll bother you a little for the rest of your life.” He paused for a moment, letting the warm divine energy seep into your flesh. “I’m not a particularly skilled healer, either.” You snorted, shifting about as you tried to get more comfortable.

 

“I wouldn’t think so. You just deal with dead bodies.” He nodded, hands pausing for a moment, not letting go of you yet. You let the awkward silence hang for a bit, nervously squirming as you waited for a response before giving up and asking another question. “What do we have to do today?” He seemed to snap out of it, letting go of your hip quickly.

 

“We should do a last lap of the graveyard, the prayer mats need to be put away…”

 

Within the week, you and Caduceus had packed up the outer temple, leaving just the benches and the alter standing; you had picked the last of the flowers, leaving the plants in the snow to come back next year. Preparation had ended, and now it was time to wait.

 

At some point during that week, Caduceus finally moved into the back room, adding the blankets and sheets to the bed and taking up almost all of the space every night. When you had offered the bed, it hadn’t occurred to you that while it fit you easily, fitting both you and a seven foot firbolg was a challenge. Thankfully, or cursedly, you were always against the wall, as Caduceus both woke earlier than you and worked later. 

 

At least he was warm. He kept you from freezing as the temperature rapidly plunged lower and lower each night, making you shiver every morning when you went outside, and every night when you climbed into bed. Heat radiated off of his soft body, giving you that extra warmth you needed to get to sleep.

 

Once you two started sharing a bed, you realized that you had started referring to him as a friend without thinking. You supposed he was in fact a friend, with how he showed you around and spent his spare time talking to you and took care of you. It was weird to consider. You’d never really had friends in Shadycreek Run, just people in the same business and people who hired you.

 

You brought it up one morning, when the cold months had solidly taken hold and Caduceus was working on figuring out how to ration out the food.

 

“Hey, we’re friends, right Caddy?” He looked over at you from his place on the floor, hands resting on top of jars of preserves. 

 

“I think so, dewdrop,” he easily replied, hands continuing their work while he looked at you. “I’d like to think of you as a friend, at the very least.” You nodded, your own hands idly twisting the blankets on top of the bed.

 

“So we’re friends.” You smiled. “I like that.”

 

“It’s quite enjoyable,” he responded, giving you that easy going grin before turning his face back to his work. It was still strange to you that this kind and gentle man considered you a friend with what your work had been, but you pushed that thought to the side. You were trying to become a better person.

 

The cold months seemed to drag on from day to day. Every day, you woke up to a cup of tea and Caduceus rubbing the tension out of your hip as it complained vehemently about the cold, and you would force him to eat before heading out looking for any type of scavenge and usually coming back empty handed. It was depressing, spending most of the day in a tiny room with a fire going, Caduceus nervously sorting things while you sat on the bed and watched. You’d pester him with questions and he’d usually answer, although sometimes he just quietly deflected until you fell silent. You learned some about his parents, about his sister and other siblings, about how long he had been there.

 

You didn’t tell him about you yet. That was too much then.

 

One morning the dull pattern broke, and you woke up with nobody else in the room and the other three-fourths of the bed cold.

 

“Caddy?” No response. “Caduceus,” you called, voice louder as you began to climb out of bed and head into the outer temple. “Where are you?” Silence. “ _ Caduceus _ ,” you yelled, heading out of the front door of the temple.

 

Caduceus jumped as you yelled his name, and you saw that his head was covered with a light dusting of snow. Looking out across the graveyard, you saw the shape of headstones covered in snow, flinching as the beads of cold hit your skin while the snow continued to come down.

 

“First snow,” he murmured, voice rumbling in his chest as you huddled close to him. “I always like to watch it fall. It’s gorgeous.” You nodded, carefully lifting his arm and huddling close to his body, your arms pulled close to your body.

 

“It really is, but Caduceus, it’s  _ freezing _ out here. You’ll get sick, come on,” you murmured, pulling on his arm to try to pull him back into the temple. He didn’t budge, leaving you pulling on a few hundred pounds of firbolg. “Caduceus, come on.” He sighed, looking back at you before shaking the snow out of his hair and following your pull.

 

“The bears should be hibernating by now,” he murmured as you pushed the door shut and made sure it was holding. “It’s safer to go out into the woods.”

 

“You never go into the woods, Caduceus.” He shook his head. 

 

“No, but more people die in the winter. And it’s safer for people to come here to bury their dead now.” You blinked in surprise.

 

“Oh.” You paused for a moment, slowly meandering towards the back room. “What do you do with dead people, anyways?”

 

“Decompose them and turn them into tea.”

 

“That makes sense,” you mumbled, heading into the back room and waiting for Caduceus to follow. “Sometimes I forget this is a graveyard. It seems like more than that somehow.” Caduceus nodded, following you into the back room, shedding his shirt and handing it to you before hopping onto the bed. You laid it on the ground in front of the small fireplace, waiting for it to dry off.

 

“The land is sacred to the Wildmother. That’s probably why.” You nodded, sitting down next to him on the bed, leaning your head against his shoulder.

 

“Yeah, probably.” You stayed leaned up against him, his soft fur brushing against your cheek. After a few moments, he let his head drop onto yours with a soft noise of contentment, his tail flicking back and forth behind the two of you. “Don’t scare me like that again, please,” you murmured, closing your eyes to avoid any eye contact.

 

“I didn’t mean to.”

 

“I know, but…” You trailed off, wringing your hands. “You weren’t there and it freaked me out. I was afraid you’d left.” You paused once more, wrapping your arms around his large one to comfort yourself. “It freaks me out when people leave sometimes.” His head shifted, and you could feel the scruff of his beard brushing against your scalp.

 

“Why?” His voice was soft, almost coaxing you into talking about your feelings.

 

“Because that’s how my sister died. She left at a different time than usual. And my mother was out later than normal and didn’t come home.” Your fingers dug into his arm, your face scrunching up as you remembered both events.

 

“I wouldn’t leave you behind in the grove,” he murmured, hand gently resting on your knee while you clung tightly to his arm.

 

“Okay.” 

 

Once you gave him back his dried shirt, you didn’t mention that the topic had ever been brought up for the rest of the day.

 

As the cold months with Caduceus Clay progressed, you found yourself becoming more and more comfortable with physical affection. He’d let you sit on his shoulders when you were bored, would gently bump you with his hip when he needed to get through, would play with your hair and try his best to braid it. It was comforting, and you couldn’t help you had been cheated out of having friends all these years. Once he ever let you take your hands and forcibly massage out all of the knots in his shoulders. He complained, but at the end his shoulders had dropped and he seemed more relaxed than before.

 

One thing you also discovered was that he was very much a cuddler when the two of you weren’t trying to sleep as far apart as possible.

 

You were never awake for the occurrence, but during the night Caduceus would reach out for you and pull you close, tucking you against his chest. You would sometimes wake up with your face buried in his chest and your hands clinging tightly to his clothing, almost his entire body wrapped around yours with a leg draped over yours and his arms holding you in place. Occasionally, you’d wake up in the middle of the night with one leg numb and his tail tightly coiled around it, forcing you to reach down and unwind it no matter how much it wanted to hold on.

 

Sharing a bed was nice. You became accustomed to waking up tangled in limbs, and on the mornings you didn’t you were always just a little bit disappointed.

 

Just friends.

 

Caduceus no longer had to pour the tea down your throat, and he had abandoned massaging your thigh because you no longer needed it except for on the days it complained about the cold.

 

The cold months seemed to take forever. Days seemed to last weeks but with never enough light, and there was only so much of Caduceus you could take before you started going stir crazy and had to bolt outside and just run about the graveyard. There was too much time in each day, and you were sick of it.

 

What you guessed must have been halfway through the cold part of the year, there was a visitor.

 

You woke up one morning to Caduceus not in bed and the teakettle gone as you gathered the blankets around you in a tight wrap. The fire was going still, and you could smell bread in the oven, and outside you could hear the familiar rumble of Caduceus’ voice. You couldn’t make out his words, but you could hear someone else’s crying in the outer temple. The door was shut, and you had a feeling you should let it stay that way. You stayed curled up in the bed for a while, just softly turning over again and again as you tried to get comfortable.

 

The person outside was taking  _ forever _ . After a bit, you heard footsteps coming your direction and in a panic silently rolled out of the bed, tucking yourself under the bed and grabbing your dagger from the inside of your boot before going completely still, slowing your breathing as you carefully watched.

 

The set of boots that came through was familiar, and you slowly let out a sigh of relief.

 

“Where did you go? Dewdrop?” Caduceus was doing his best to whisper, jumping in surprise as you rolled out from the cramped space underneath the bed.

 

“Sorry,” you whispered. “I wasn’t sure who you were.” He nodded, opening the oven and quickly pulling out the loaf of bread, placing it in the pot before gently taking your dagger and using it to slice through the loaf of bread.

 

“Here,” he murmured as he passed you a slice of bread, handing you a jar of preserve and letting you quickly spread it across the bread before he took the jar back. “I’ll be back when I can. I don’t know how long she’ll want comfort for.” You blinked in surprise, your mind going down the gutter and not stopping to think before you spoke again.

 

“You mean like…?” Caduceus gave you a puzzled look, and you made increasingly rude hand gestures while your face became redder and redder until he finally understood.

 

“No, not like… that. That’s…” he swallowed, tail lashing back and forth while his cheeks flushed: always a sure sign he was embarrassed about something. “Stay here.” With that he was gone, bringing out the scalding loaf of bread to the woman while you sat there and quickly ate your piece, ignoring the way it burned your tongue. 

 

In the end, it took hours before the woman left and Caduceus tiredly came back into the room to see you sitting on the bed absentmindedly chewing a piece of smoked rabbit meat. He sat down next to you, bumping his shoulder against yours intentionally before you bumped back.

 

“How often do you get people?” He shrugged, letting you press up against him and rub your hand over his undercut, your nails lightly grazing his scalp.

 

“Not often. It’s a long walk from Shadycreek Run to get here, and it’s not known for being the easiest. But people come here, and they want comfort, and comforting them is my job.” You nodded, finishing off the piece of meat you had been chewing as you sat up on your knees to rest your chin on his shoulder.

 

“Do they sometimes want… you know?” Caduceus tiredly nodded, pressing his cheek against the top of his head as he sighed.

 

“Sometimes. But I…” he seemed to search for the proper wording for a few moments. “That’s not something I know anything about.” Your eyebrows shot up for a moment before you pushed them back down again, instead settling for a noncommittal hum.

 

“That makes sense,” was what you finally settled on, and he nodded, sighing heavily.

 

“Most of the time they just want a listening ear.”

 

“That also makes sense.” You sat in silence a moment more before removing your head from his shoulder and repositioning yourself so that you were sitting with your legs crossed on the bed. Reaching up, you gently tugged on his shirt, gesturing that he should lay down.

 

After a moment of hesitation, his head dropped into your lap and he let you gently run your fingers through his hair, humming while you went.

 

“That’s really very nice.” You just nodded, watching his eyelids droop as he brought his hands up to rub his eyes. “It’s nice to have a friend here,” he murmured, an involuntary half-purr rumbling in his chest between sentences. “I’ve missed having someone.”

 

“I’ve missed having someone too,” you whispered, continuing to card your hands through his hair. “You don’t have to make dinner today, okay? I’ll take care of it. You’re always taking care of me anyways.”

 

“That’s different,” he said, making you bite your lip. “I do that because I want to.” You gently tapped his cheek with the palm of your hand, smiling down at him.

 

“And I’m doing this because I want to. Now, let me take care of you for once, you silly man.” He snorted, lifting up his head and letting you slide pillows underneath to replace your thighs, quietly watching you as you made your way around the cramped room, quickly working to get vegetables from jars as you popped another piece of smoked rabbit into your mouth and started absentmindedly chewing it while you worked. In the end, you managed to throw something together into a soup that you knew was maybe a little bit over seasoned, but when you gave it to Caduceus, he just gave you and smile and his signature “this is nice.”

 

As long as he liked it, you didn’t really care about how good it really was.

 

That night, you coaxed him into going to bed early, the same time as you, and you were awake when he reached out in his sleep, a frightened look on his face that you watched fade as he held you tightly against him, his breathing evening out as you drifted off cuddled up against him.

 

You didn’t forget that happening.

 

Time faded onward. 

 

You watched with Caduceus standing by your side, both of you with a cup of tea as days became shorter and shorter, shadows longer at the same time from day to day until finally you woke up to darkness before you fell asleep into darkness once again and the days grew shorter, the sunlight gracing the temple for longer every day. Snows faded faster, and food was running low, but you could taste spring on the air. You knew he could too, with the way his ears flicked as he inhaled deeply at the warmer breezes that drifted through the leafless trees. More days were spent in the outer temple, drinking tea and letting your breath form billowing clouds, sometimes joined by smoke from his pipe.

 

It was on one such morning that you asked Caduceus a question that you hadn’t yet in your months of stay.

 

“Why’d they leave you?” He mellowly took another drag, handing the pipe back to you as he blew out a cloud of smoke, pondering your question.

 

“My parents went back to our clan.” He paused, snorting out a surprisingly cow-like breath as smoke billowed from his nostrils. “My siblings followed the Wildmother’s call. I listened for her to call me but…” He shrugged, and for the first time you saw his face become almost bitter for a moment. “She didn’t show me images of the world. She showed me this graveyard again and again. So I never left.” You frowned.

 

“But why’d they leave you? Why did neither of your parents stay? Why – why did they leave you alone?” 

 

“I don’t know.” The two of you sat in silence for a bit, and you took another drag, the drug already having clouded your mind. “Why did those men leave you here in a coffin?” You sucked in a deep breath, face wrinkling at the question.

 

“I did something they didn’t like.” Caduceus swung his head around to look at you with those wide pink eyes, his lashes fluttering for a moment.

 

“I know that isn’t the full story,” he coaxed, watching you intently with that sharp gaze of his.

 

“I don’t like the full story,” you shot back, handing him back the pipe and pulling all of your limbs close to your body. “The full story is nasty and I try not to think about it. I try just living here with you.” He tilted his head to the side.

 

“Whatever it is, you’ll never get over it if you don’t talk about it.” You scowled, looking away from him.

 

“I don’t do that anymore. Not for the people I used to. Why are you pushing this anyways?” Your voice was getting louder as you spoke, beginning to gesture with your hands. “I want to leave it behind.”

 

He watched you for a bit before slowly nodding, opening his arms slightly. You quickly scrambled towards him, half throwing yourself at him and wrapping your arms around him while he did the same.

 

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled into his chest, getting you a soft pat in return.

 

“I’m sorry for pushing you,” he murmured, stroking your hair until you gently untangled yourself and edged away.

 

“I’ll tell you someday.” He gently smiled at you, lightly bumping you with his shoulder.

 

“I’ll hold you to that.” You nodded, holding out your pinky. He looked at you in confusion, and your jaw dropped.

 

“Do you not know what a pinky promise is?” He shook his head, and you grabbed his much larger hand with both of yours. “That is the worst thing I’ve heard all day.” You carefully folded in all of his fingers except his pinky, and you gently held his pink with yours. He did the same, and you grinned. “You can’t break a pinky promise.” He smiled down as you, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

 

“I’ll have to remember that.” You laughed, squeezing his pinky with yours, a gesture he hurried to return. 

 

Time crept onward, sneaking towards the door of warmer months while batting at the leaves of frosts as it went.

 

Although the weather grew warmer, Caduceus didn’t leave the bed. He still clung to you at night, holding you still tighter, burying his soft, pink nose in your hair and clinging as if you would slip through his hands like sand. As soon as the weather was warm enough, you and Caduceus hurriedly picked up your old bathing schedule, racing each other to the river and undressing as quickly as you could. You both plunged into the water, sitting at the bottom and furiously scrubbing the grease from your hair from the winter. When you popped up again, Caduceus was looking at you, his familiar, dopey grin on his face.

 

“You know, dewdrop, you’re really pretty.” You flushed, cheeks growing hot as he waded closer to you, staying on his knees to keep your heads at roughly the same level. “Gorgeous really.” You found you couldn’t move as his hand brushed by your cheek to card through your soaked hair, unsure of how to respond to the way your heart was pounding from your chest. “Just thought you should know.” With that his hand cupped your cheek and he pulled you in closer, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. You let him, your hands instinctively reaching out to curl into a grip on his chest, holding on like you did when he held you at night. 

 

He pulled away too fast and moved backwards, still grinning. 

 

“You’re… something, you know that?” He just smiled, sinking in up to his eyes. He blew a few bubbles to the surface and you laughed, trying to brush off the way your hands slightly trembled underneath the water. You kicked your way over to him, trying to ignore the fact that your chest being close to his face felt strangely dirty in a way it hadn’t before as you pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. It was fuzzy, but in such a familiar way it was almost comforting under your lips. “You’re pretty too.” His face seemed to glow, and in that moment you took the opportunity to splash him in the face with water, dive under the surface and swim away. 

 

Before you could get very far, a hand wrapped around your ankle and pulled you back, making you scream and all of your air escaped from your mouth in a large bubble of air that floated to the surface. Caduceus grabbed you in his arms and pulled you up to the surface, laughing as you lightly punched his chest and squirmed about.

 

“Let me go, idiot,” you laughed, shrieking as he unceremoniously dropped you in the water. Coming up to the surface, you sputtered and shook your hair out of your face. “Not like that!”

 

The two of you spent the rest of the afternoon splashing about until your fingertips were shrivelled and Caduceus was completely waterlogged to the point that you both just carried your clothing back to the temple.

 

Time went on, and you continually shoved down how you felt, ignoring the strange feelings when he would kiss your forehead, or call you pretty, or something else. The cold faded fully into springtime warmth, the flowers on the graves regrowing, fresh green shoots poking from the earth as the trees regained their leaves. You helped Caduceus replant his garden with the seeds he had collected from the vegetables and berries you had helped him preserve, and went with him around the graveyard as he cleaned away dead plants and checked on gravestones.

 

You helped him roll out the prayer mats again after beating them off, cleaning the dust from the months of storage and placing them around the altar. As you did this, you felt yourself sending up a soft prayer to the Wildmother for Caduceus, that he would be safe and okay.

 

You didn’t feel a response, but you didn’t expect one.

 

It was spring, and one night, when the air was not yet chilly but not quite warm, you and Caduceus sat out in the dirt drawing patterns in the soft soil, sitting in the dying sunlight.

 

“I’ve been here for months now,” you murmured, staring out between the trees as you listened for the familiar rustle of birds. “I didn’t think I’d be here for months.”

 

“How long did you think you’d be here?” You shrugged.

 

“I didn’t. I’d heard that somebody tended to a graveyard out here, but I never thought I’d be here. I wasn’t important enough that if I died, I’d be brought out here. I thought I’d be dumped in the woods with my body spat on before the bears came and tore me apart.” Caduceus nodded, hands folded neatly on his lap as he stared out into the growing darkness you knew he couldn’t see through. 

 

“Is that what happens to most people in Shadycreek Run?” 

 

“The bad ones.” Caduceus looked at you for a moment in silence.

 

“You were one of the bad ones?” The words were running out of your mouth almost faster than you could say them.

 

“Yes. I was.” Where was this honesty coming from?

 

“Why?” You started to stumble.

 

“I just was. Nobody liked me.” Caduceus fell silent, the questions that poked at the corners of your mind silently hitting darkness as he turned and looked at you.

 

“Do you want to go back?”

 

“Yes-” He looked like you had just punched him in the gut, and you rushed to finish your sentence. “-But not if you can’t come with me.”

 

His face softened and he nodded, gently placing a hand on the back of your neck and pulling you closer so he could press a quick kiss to your forehead. 

 

“You’re my friend,” you mumbled, not making eye contact with him as he let you slump back into place. “Like one of the only friends I’ve had. I wouldn’t just abandon you.” He was quiet for a moment, eyes distant. 

 

“You know,” he slowly began, gently tapping his hands against his thighs. “I think we might need to leave soon.”

 

“Why? What’s going to happen to the grove?” You moved closer to him, pressing up against him out of nervous habit.

 

“The Wildmother has been sending me dreams,” he murmured, placing an arm around you. “I can see a group traveling together. Two blue ones, an orange one, a yellow one, a green one, a divine one, and a purple one. I see them traveling,” he continued, voice becoming softer and softer. “Although I don’t know if they’re traveling yet. But they walk to me, and as they pass by I walk with them.” He blinked, almost if snapping out of a trance. “And the grove is dying. There’s only so long I can maintain the wards before they degrade anyways. The woods are creeping in already, killing the life.”

 

“I didn’t know,” you murmured, staying huddled against Caduceus. “And you’ll take me with you?” He looked down at you with concern and quickly nodded, watching as tension dropped out your body. “Just as a warning I’m… not great around large groups of people.”

 

“We’ll watch each other’s backs.” You nodded, squeezing his arm. 

 

“I’m very good at watching people’s backs.” He chuckled, leaning his head so it rested on yours as you watched the darkness, eyes searching for anything that would threaten the two of you. “We should probably go inside.” Caduceus nodded, standing up and letting you come along for the ride before the two of you strolled inside, you shutting the door with your foot before following him into the smaller room. As you did, you curled against his chest, letting him hold you like a teddy bear as he fell asleep, stubble brushing against your forehead as he breathed into your hair.

 

You held to him tightly until you fell asleep, almost afraid that if you let go he would disappear.

 

Someone spoke to you that night.

 

You saw seven specks on the horizon. Distant, but there, gently flickering in the pool of darkness that surrounded you except for the road beneath your feet. You looked to the side and you saw Caduceus, staring out into the lights in front of you. You took his hand, gently pulling on his arm to try to get him to look at you.

 

Water bubbled from your mouth as Caduceus sank before you, pulling you down as you desperately tried to pull him back up, struggling to keep him safe as a soft voice cut through the dream.

 

“ _ Keep him safe. _ ” 

 

You woke up with a heavy gasp, digging your fingers into Caduceus’ chest as you struggled to breathe. He shifted at your nails scraping by his skin, but he didn’t wake up as you lay there, holding to him tightly like he was the air you were desperately trying to take in.

 

You were still awake when he stirred awake, shifting slightly with a soft sound as you let out a breath you hadn’t known you were holding.

 

“You’re up early,” he mumbled, eyes half lidded as his eyelashes tiredly fluttered against your skin with a tickling sensation.

 

“Couldn’t get back to sleep,” you murmured, pressing your face into his chest and burrowing deep into the grasp of his body. “I had a dream. It… scared me.” He hummed, one hand coming up and beginning to card through your hair.

 

“Just a dream, dewdrop,” he whispered into your ear. “Come on. Let’s get you back to sleep.” You clung tighter, shaking slightly as you held on to him.

 

“I…” Caduceus made a small noise before easily turning onto his back, still holding onto you as he kept you rested on his chest. His tail held you in place, wrapped around one of your thighs while his arms kept your torso steady.

 

“It’s okay. Whatever it was won’t get you here.” He gently pressed your ear to his chest, covering your other one so you were forced to listen to the slow  _ thump, thump, thump _ of his heart. “Just listen.”

 

You listened to the soft thumping of his heart for a while as one of his hands kept running through your hair, a comforting weight on the back of your head as you curled up on top of him.

 

You managed to fall asleep on top of him quickly with his soothing sounds and gently heartbeat.

 

By the time you woke back up again, the light in the room was much brighter than it had been before and Caduceus was still tiredly stroking your hair.

 

“Hey,” he said, his dopey smile across his face as he looked up at you. “Better?” 

 

“Better,” you whispered, letting him roll you back onto your side as you slowly let out a breath. “Better.”

 

“Good.”

 

Time rattled on once again, the spring becoming warmer as you watched the edges of the grove fading, just as you had hear Caduceus saying. He was gentle as always from day to day, helping you help him with the care for the grove. He still had dreams, but the people weren’t coming yet. Not yet, he always said, not yet.

 

Until one morning he woke you up in a fervor, shaking your shoulders while his tail cinched and uncinched from its place around your waist, the soft tip flicking back and forth in his excitement.

 

“They’re coming, dewdrop.” You grinned, cupping his face in your hands as he laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he clutched you. “They’re moving slow but they’re together now. They’re coming.”

 

“That’s good! That’s good, Caddy. Should we be packing?” His mouth opened and closed, and he seemed to process for a moment. 

 

“I think we should be ready.”

 

As spring turned to summer, you were preparing for the arrival of the people. You were doing your best to smoke supplies of meat while Caduceus practiced cultivating his garden to produce food for a journey. As food and preparation took the front seat, Caduceus’ work on maintaining the wards fell behind. You didn’t think much of this for a while; the two of you were busy. You were preparing to follow him wherever he needed to go, and you weren’t going to tell him what he needed to do.

 

It was all fine for a while.

 

You were walking one morning with him, cleaning up the graveyard the best you could, when you were suddenly very, very aware of the issue of not maintaining the ward.

 

“Caddy,” you whispered, dropping into a crouch and beginning to creep towards the bone spur bear, slipping behind a headstone. “That shouldn’t be here.” With that, you vaulted yourself over the headstone, taking a leap into the air and landing on the back of the bear. You slammed your dagger down into the back of its throat, holding on as it swung about, trying to reach you as you plunged down again into its throat. Caduceus watched in shock as you drove the dagger in one more time, the blood gushing everywhere quickly taking down the bear. You hopped off its back, giving Caduceus a look as you began walking towards him.

 

As the bear fell, a claw swiped at your back and you fell forward with a gasp of pain, feeling the warm blood covering your back and soaking into your shirt.

 

“That’s what I did,” you said as Caduceus rushed over, his hand falling onto your back and becoming sticky with your blood. “ _ Gods, fuck _ . I killed people. Quickly.” 

 

“Please shut up.” His voice was shaking as he lifted you up by the waist, beginning to rapidly carry you back to the temple. The fur on his hands was becoming red with the blood welling from your back, and you could tell by turning your head around that his face was afraid.

 

“Caddy?” You reached for his face, placing your hand on his cheek. “I’ll be okay, you know that, right? I’ve had a lot worse than this.” Caduceus nodded, but you could tell he still didn’t believe you. “Caduceus.” Your voice got firmer, although it cracked a little bit as the pressure on your stinging wound caught you off guard. “I’m going to be okay. Once you cast cure wounds, my back will close up and  _ I will be fine. _ ”

 

“I am  _ panicking _ , alright?” Caduceus was beginning to yell through gritted teeth, and you jolted in surprise as he kept half-running through the graveyard. “I don’t know how to handle bleeding people, and I am panicking.”

 

“Oh.” You paused, chest bouncing against his shoulder as he kept running. “We should get that bear pelt. Most of the meat will be too chewy-“

 

“Please shut up.”

 

“I’m really bad at shutting up.”

 

“I can tell.”

 

“I’m really used to being injured. People just stitched me back together later, Caddy.”

 

“I would  _ really _ like to not push a needle through your skin today or ever.”

 

“Don’t tell me you’re squeamish?”

 

“I’m not, but that doesn’t mean I want to push a needle through your flesh.”

 

“Now I kind of want to push a needle through my own flesh just to make a point.”

 

“Please,  _ please _ don’t do that.”

 

“Fine.”

 

The door to the temple slammed open with Thaumaturgy, and you watched as it slammed behind you with the same cantrip as Caduceus carried you into the back room and laid you down on your stomach. You looked over his shoulder and saw his hands hovering over your back before he pressed them down and divine energy flowed from his hands into your body. You could feel your flesh pulling back together seamlessly, and as Caduceus began slowing his breathing he quickly mended your outfit with a quick cantrip.

 

“Are you okay?” Caduceus looked down at you as you rolled back over onto your back, propping yourself up on your elbows with a worried look. “You’ve never panicked like that before.” Caduceus slowly exhaled, moving around the room and fetching his pipe and filling it before gently lighting it and taking a drag. “Are you really going to get high before you can answer me?”

 

“I need to calm down a bit,” he murmured, not making eye contact as he blew smoke from his mouth. “So you… killed people for a living?” So he wanted to dodge your question. Alright.

 

“Yeah. I got commissioned to kill people.” You reached for the pipe and Caduceus let you take it, watching from the corner of his eye as you began smoking it. Handing the pipe back, you let a cloud billow out. “I’m an assassin. I got hired by feuding families and took the highest bidder.” Shrugging, you rubbed at your eyes. “It paid money. Kept me and my sister well off, then kept me very well off. Money is money. Of course, I guess I royally pissed someone off. Being buried alive usually isn’t the sign of a happy customer.” He nodded, still not looking directly at you. 

 

“I think… whatever you did, you’re different now. And that’s worth something.” He brought the pipe to his lips again.

 

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to be different,” you mumbled. “Because being around you made me realize I was a horrible person.” He looked over at you in surprise.

 

“Why?” You looked over at him with an exasperated expression, making a few meaningless gestures with your hands before replying.

 

“Because you’re a good person. You didn’t kill me, you just. Healed me. Every day, you were taking care of me and the grove and you never  _ once _ complained about sleeping on a bench or that I was a burden to take care of, you just did it.” You put your head in your hands, not looking at him. “And that made me realize just much of an asshole I am. Was. Whatever.” As you sat bent forward, a gentle hand came to rest on your back.

 

“I think the fact that you’re trying is what matters.”

 

You stayed silent, trying to hide the few stray tears welling in your eyes. 

 

“Yeah,” you thickly said as you rapidly blinked into your palms. “I guess so.”

 

Caduceus’ hand began to rub gentle circles on your back, and you moved closer to him so your hips were pressed together. He didn’t say anything. He just let you be close.

 

A few days later, you finally got around to collecting the bear pelt and cleaning it before giving it to Caduceus to do what he wanted to.

 

Within the next week, he handed you a coat, the outside made of a quilt-like collection of fabric scraps, and the inside lined with the bear fur. You spent the day wearing it even as the sun beat down and made you sweat, twirling about to see the tails flare out as Caduceus just watched you with a grin and a cup of tea in his hand.

 

Fall was creeping into winter when they finally arrived.

 

You spotted the group first, as you were out trying to find any rabbits you could when you heard the murmur of voices and multiple sets of soft footsteps. Quickly and quietly, you made your way back to Caduceus, who was standing by his garden, and grabbed him by the shoulders. 

 

“People are coming, Caddy.” He blinked, giving you a gentle smile.

 

“Well, I guess I better make tea.” He went inside and you followed, nervously rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet as you stood bundled in your coat. It wasn’t particularly cold at the moment, but you wanted to have it on anyways. 

 

The water boiled, and he poured a cup of tea for himself, offering you one. You wordlessly turned it down, watching from the window. As five figures came around the corner, you ducked out of sight and pressed yourself against the wall, your hiding instincts kicking in. Outside, you heard someone scurrying about, before a small noise alerted you and suddenly people began talking. You watched as Caduceus approached the door, gently pushing it open with his cup of tea still in his hand.

 

“Huh. I think I’ve only got three more cups. Hold on.” He came back inside, calmly going to the backroom as you crept towards the door to listen to the explosion of talking. They were yelling about him being a firbolg, and one of the voices seemed particularly happy from what you could tell without looking. Caduceus went back out with the kettle on a tripod and his staff, and you could hear him tapping the bottom a few times. You had seen him do that occasionally when he didn’t want to light a fire.

 

You listened as he talked about tea, introducing himself as “Mr. Clay” to them as he began to slowly ramble. They moved just out of earshot and you heard him pouring tea. Carefully, you peeked around the door, eyes scanning the group. Immediately, you recognized that not everybody was here, and some of these people weren’t the right ones. You watched as another firbolg crushed Caduceus in a hug and he smiled, you smiling along with him.

 

“Friends,” he said calmly. “You have come. Please, let me know what I can do for you. Usually when people come here it is because of some great tragedy. How can I alleve your pain?” Their faces all fell, and you kept watching from a distance so that they wouldn’t notice you.

 

“-We were hoping we could find some help in these parts.”

 

“Avenge him? What happened?”

 

“Have you heard of the Iron Shepherds?” As Caduceus began to shake his head you stepped forward a little bit, hands deep in your coat pockets.

 

“Yeah. Nasty slaver group, right? They took my sister out.” The group seemed to jump at your sudden appearance, your eyes quickly taking them in now that you were somewhat closer. Gods, they were a motley group. Caduceus continued, glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

 

“I haven’t heard of them. I really don’t get to leave very often, especially these days.”

 

“How long have you been out here?” The human covered in dirt and soot spoke up, and you kept your eyes trained on him. Caduceus hummed contemplatively before looking back at you.

 

“I think eighteen, twenty seasons.” You spoke up again.   
  


“Four for me, going on five.” A different human spoke up this time, a female one with a blue robe and a long quarterstaff. 

 

“Do you both only gauge time in seasons?” Caduceus nodded, and you shrugged as he responded. 

 

“It’s the only time that seems to matter.” She nodded.

 

“That’s fair.” The other firbolg smiled, looking absolutely elated at meeting Caduceus as she said something in agreement. The goblin spoke up this time, looking the long distance up to Caduceus’ face.

 

“Do you work here? Is this your place? Do you own this land?” With her question, it occurred to you that you never had inquired how he had come into such a large property. Caduceus grinned down at her. 

 

“I’m so excited,” he said, cutting her off as he went. “Most people who come here know what this place is, this is going to be delightful. I’ve never had to explain it to someone before.”

 

“It’s a graveyard,” the goblin said again. “It’s a boneyard.” Caduceus made a face at that last word.

 

“Well, boneyard is a bit crass, but yeah, this is a place where we take the dearly departed who have done well, and people who have lived good lives, and we put them into earth that has been touched by the Wildmother. In turn, she grants them with beauty and splendor and sometimes tea.”

 

You zoned out as they kept talking, going to the topic of dead people tea, which was all tea, and things that didn’t yet capture your attention. As the conversation went on, you kept observing the group, staying back as Caduceus spoke and explained the way of things to them. Your ears perked up as they talked about people in danger, edging closer as they described a dire situation that people were in with the Iron Shepherds. At one point, the voice of the goblin caught your attention.

 

“Are you a bad guy?” Caduceus made a contemplative face, and you came up to stand next to him.

 

“You know, honestly,” he began. “I don’t think I’ve had enough experience to have an opinion on that. I’m a good gardener.” You rolled your eyes, looking at the group.

 

“He’s a good guy,” you said, making eye contact with the goblin and staring down at her. The conversation faded back to uninteresting small talk as you stayed by Caduceus’ side, half-listening to him talk. They kept asking about the grove, why he hadn’t left, and he kept responding with sips of tea in between words.

 

“I feel like  it’s only fair to warn you,” the dwarf spoke up, looking at Caduceus. “If you were to come with us, we’d be asking you to go into a situation that’s not very safe.” You made a face, scrunching up your brows and staring at her.

 

“Are you inviting me to come with you?” As a chorus of affirmations broke out, your hand gripped the back of his silk sleeve as if to hold him close and make sure he wouldn’t leave you behind. The goblin said a few words and Caduceus perked up, ears lifting. “That’s excellent. You’re lucky I came along, then. This is going to work out really well.” The woman human looked at you in your place next to Caduceus, gazing at you intently before speaking up.

 

“Who are you?” Her eyes looked over your coat, and you clutched it closer to your body out of fear of her taking it.

 

“A friend of Caduceus’.” You felt like an outnumbered feral animal, the group staring at you now. “I live here too.” Caduceus looked at down at you with a grin, quickly introducing you to the others as they nodded. “If you take him, you take me.”

 

“That would be correct,” Caduceus calmly said, and the human woman looked at you for a long moment in silence.

 

“What can you do?” You shrugged, pulling out your dagger and nervously twirling it about.

 

“I’m fast, I’m silent, and I’m very good at killing people as quickly as possible.” She nodded, turning her attention back to Caduceus as the filthy human man spoke up.

 

“ _ Herr _ Clay, we should be very honest with you. We are intending to do good by people who deserve it.  A young one. Good people. But we are going to do very difficult business tonight or tomorrow.” Caduceus was silent for a moment, and you watched his face.

 

“Well, I don’t know if I think anyone deserves anything, but I don’t like cages, and I’m really…” He trailed off, and the monk made a comment about someone eating babies. “That seems a little specific. I’m mostly interested in trying to take care of the natural order of the world and nature itself.” You stayed close to him as the group began talking more urgently, just waiting for Caduceus’ final decision as you flipped your dagger back and forth a few times. 

 

“Welcome to the Mighty Nein.”

 

“There’s only-”

 

“Don’t overthink it.”

 

“I’ve actually already packed, I’ll go get my things.” You followed him inside as he went to the back room and slipped on his armor, his staff still in his hand.

 

“Caddy… What are we going to do once we help these people?” He paused in the motions of putting on his armor, thinking to himself for a moment.

 

“I suppose keep helping them.” You made a face, crossing your arms over your chest.

 

“I don’t trust them.” He hummed, finishing the act of putting on his armor after a few minutes and walking back over to you. He leaned down, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead before passing you the walking staff he had gotten you and the bag you had packed.

 

“Give it time, dewdrop. For now, let’s go help them.” You nodded, slinging the pack over your shoulder and following him back out. He looked to the group and then paused for a moment, and raised a hand. “Give me a moment.” He began walking around the graveyard, and you followed behind, keeping distance but not wanting to leave him alone for too long. You heard the group behind you talking in whispers, but you ignored them in favor of keeping your attention on your friend.

 

“Are you going to be okay?” He nodded, lingering in front of the graves as he went. You fell back for a moment, climbing up a tree and hacking away at the wood of a branch with your dagger until you had two thick pieces of wood that you slipped into your pack before following him back to the group.

 

“Alright. I’m ready to leave. This is going to be a little much, but I think I can do it. I’m ready.” He was rocking back and forth on his feet, and he seemed like he was actually ready for this. A few last words were said, and the two of you followed the Mighty Nein out of the graveyard.

 

-

 

That night was a whirlwind, between sneaking into the hold, fighting an  _ oni _ of all things, and helping pick the locks on the cages for their friends. For a bit, you just tiredly stood watching the reunion, swaying on your feet before stumbling up the stairs towards the kitchen, where Caduceus had said he would be.

 

“Hey,” you whispered, stumbling over to the sink, hand covering the place where you had ripped an arrow from your gut and blood still ran out. “Got a spell left?” He looked at you and quickly placed a hand on your skin, watching as you straightened up, breathing evening out a bit. “Thanks Caddy.” You looked about at the pans and pots before looking back up at him. “What are you making?” He shrugged, shifting the pan he had on the heat at the moment.

 

“Something strange. Haven’t decided what yet.” You nodded, glancing up at the ceiling. 

 

“When you’re done, can you carry me upstairs? There’s beds there I think, and I want to just. Get into bed with you like at the temple.” He nodded, and you heard a footstep at the door. Head snapping around to see who was interrupting, you saw the half-orc man standing at the door, seeming to realize the awkward situation he had interrupted. He looked back and forth between the two of you for a moment before finally speaking up.

 

“Do you need a hand?” Caduceus shook his head.

 

“Oh no, I’m fine. I’ve got this. This is no problem.” The half orc (Fjord, you remembered) nodded, seeming to glance behind him.

 

“Oh. Okay. I’ll go back down.” Caduceus piped up again as you watched.

 

“If you find anything that looks good to eat, actually, bring it back up. I’ll cook it right up. That’s no problem.” Fjord gave him a puzzled look.

 

“From downstairs?”

 

You tuned out, keeping your eyes focused on Fjord and your hands clinging to Caduceus’ armor. Eventually he left, and Caduceus dug up a spoon from the drawers, getting a spoonful of the food he was making and holding it in front of you.

 

“I trust your judgement.” You quickly took the offered spoon, easing it from his hands and putting the stir-fry like concoction in your mouth. You happily hummed, darting forward and taking another spoonful with a wide grin on your face.   
  
“‘S good,” you mumbled around a mouthful of food, getting a laugh from Caduceus. Once he was done with the food, he did hoist you onto his shoulders and begin carrying you around the stronghold, finding the group when Nott called out to him, inviting him inside of a weird bubble of nothingness that a small goblin hand was peaking out of. He walked inside, lowering you from his shoulders and settling you on the ground. “Woah,” you murmured, looking about inside of the strange bubble.

 

As Beau exited and began throwing couch cushions in, and you heard someone outside (Keg, you reminded yourself), you quickly grabbed a mass of couch cushions and began setting up a small bed for the both of you. Caduceus set down his things, taking off his armor before lying down on the cushions and opening his arms. You put your pack by his before quickly scurrying into his grasp so that your back was to the group because you didn’t want his back to them. You could feel the stares of the others on you as you laid there, letting Caduceus’ tail coil around you as he held you tight to his chest.

 

Even though you were uncomfortable, you fell asleep quickly tucked away in his grasp. 

 

By the time you both stirred, the bubble disappeared from around the party, fading into the floor. You carefully watched Caleb going to the ajar door, habitually reaching for your dagger only to be stopped by the tight grasp of Caduceus’ arms preventing you from being able to reach into your boot. When he came back, you gently woke Caduceus, watching as he began to rise. 

 

After a bit of searching around the stronghold, you and party took off in a strange cart that hid most of you from view, although you were up front, coat pulled high and hair let down, back on your way back into Shadycreek Run. The first time you had been there in a year, and you couldn’t even properly be there. 

 

Eventually you all rolled to a stop outside of the Mardun house, a place you had visited numerous times. After a bit of discussion, you were allowed to climb out of the cart, following the others quickly into Ophelia’s house with a shudder. You carefully watched as she descended the stairs, her eyes settling on you for a moment and giving you a brief nod before she turned to the others and talked business. They handed her the glaive, and then she passed it back while you intently watched the interaction. They fell into travel discussions as you stood next to Caduceus, arms crossed as you tapped your foot against the floor. 

 

“If the four of you could leave,” Ophelia said, gesturing to Caleb, Fjord, Beau, and Caduceus. “I need to talk to you for a moment.” Her yellow eyes locked onto you as the others slowly left, unable to see her advance down the stairs as you stood up perfectly straight.

 

“Madam,” you said, remaining upright as her hand held onto the railing. “I don’t believe I have any business with you.”

 

“I am merely… concerned that an  _ assassin _ will be traveling with me.” You raised an eyebrow, giving her a half-insulted look. 

 

“Have you seen anyone hire me for the past year? I have not been in Shadycreek. I assure you, I am no threat. I am merely following Caduceus.” 

 

The two of you stood there in silence, eyeing each other until she finally nodded.

 

“Alright. But no funny business.” With that you were shooed out to rejoin your friends. Caduceus immediately moved forward to meet you, wrapping an almost protective-seeming arm around your shoulders and keeping you close to him. 

 

None of the others said a word.

 

Long and boring travel began, rattling along in two carriages and the stolen cart, with you sticking close to Caduceus in the seating arrangements. You didn’t trust anyone else, so you stuck near the one person you did trust. 

 

One night, Beau caught you alone, sitting in the darkness away from the campfire as Caduceus cooked. She was wearing large goggles, and it occurred to you that she was human and didn’t have any darkvision. She sat down next to you, legs spread lazily. 

 

“So,” she casually started. “You and Deuces.” You laughed, crossing your arms and shaking your head. 

 

“No. Not like that.” Beau scoffed, giving you a disbelieving look.

 

“C’mon. You can’t sleep without being held by him and you trail behind him constantly.” You raised an eyebrow. 

 

“The first part is a habit we picked up last winter, and I follow him because I don’t trust a single one of you.” You pulled your dagger from your boot, sticking it into the ground between the two of you. 

 

“You’re protecting him?” You nodded, crossing your arms again.

 

“He’s my friend. I’d do just about anything for him.” Beau made a soft noise of acknowledgement, still staring at you. 

 

“No offense, but it kinda sounds like you wanna bang him.” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head.

 

“I don’t. Anyways, I never even considered it. We lived in one cramped room and shared the only bed in the entire place. Making things awkward would practically be suicide.” Beau leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands. 

 

“You know, I take it back. You don’t want to bang him, you’re stupidly in love.” You opened your mouth to protest, and Beau quickly slapped a hand over it. “Just think about it before we get to Zadash.” And with that she disappeared again. You pulled your dagger from the dirt with a huff, stalking over to the campfire and taking a seat next to Caduceus. Without thinking, he draped an arm around you, and you dropped your head onto his shoulder so he could lay his head on yours. 

 

Across the campfire, Beau looked at you disbelievingly and you just glared back at her. 

 

After a few more weeks of travel, one day stopping at a grave, the woman, Yasha, leaving, and Caduceus mulching whoever was in the grave, you arrived at the gates of Zadash, and you could only stare. Buildings stood tall, and you could hear the hustle and bustle of the city filling your ears even outside of the gates. Once you stepped inside, the noise was almost overwhelming, you and Caduceus both looking left and right as you took in everything you could. Eventually, you pulled up to this seedy bar and all filed in, the man behind the bar pointing back. His eyes stuck on you for a moment, looking you up and down along with Caduceus before waving you on. 

 

Downstairs felt like home. It screamed “crime den” to you, everyone in the dark corners looking at you as you straightened up and smiled widely. This was somewhere you could strut, knowing that Ophelia would give you credibility if the one in charge questioned who you were. You saw Caduceus looking at you with an expression you couldn’t identify and brushed it off with a wide smile. The group made its way to a card table, a blue man who seemed to be covered in perpetual sweat playing a heated game of cards. After a moment, the hands were laid down on the table and cries rose in the bar, filling the space as you did a quick jump of excitement, watching the large pot of money being pushed off of the table as the man who was clearly in charge popped a strawberry into his mouth. He gestured to your group, and you disappointedly watched as the cards were gathered up and the group of players was quickly dispersed. He turned to Ophelia and said something that you didn’t bother paying attention to (it was clearly flirting) as she put her hand out and he gently kissed it.

 

Suddenly, in a flash of movement, Ophelia was being dipped in a passionate kiss, and you stifled a laugh as Caduceus covered his eyes. You bumped your hip against his just as the blue man yanked his head away, blood running down his chin, most likely from Ophelia’s fangs.

 

“It has been a while my azure lover,” Ophelia said, licking off the blood. “But business before pleasure.” The man wiped his lower lip, looking at the Mighty Nein.

 

“Well, you’ve upheld your promise, and sent, it seems, a successful endeavor, right? I assume since you returned with her.” You stood quietly, not moving out of the way but not jumping to speak up. Ophelia and the man continued to talk, going back and forth before he started talking about a missing member. You were quick enough to figure out he was talking about the grave with the coat on it, and simply pressed your lips together as his eyes raked over you and Caduceus. He switched instead to money, and clapped his hands twice. You watched two goons carry a chest over to a table and drop it, the entire table shaking as your eyes went wide.

 

That was very,  _ very _ good coin.

 

“So, you have two new companions you’ve dragged into my sanctum?” You made eye contact with him, staring him down with your arms crossed over your chest and your stance steadily set.

 

“He has many gifts to offer,” Jester quickly cut in.

 

“I have no idea what’s going on right now,” Caduceus calmly said, dopey grin on his face as always. Nott began talking about money, the group turning their attention to that as you kept your gaze locked with the man in charge of this den. Eventually, the man cut back in.

 

“Well, regardless, we have two choices here: either we kill you or we take take a bit of your essence to keep tabs.” You hesitated, looking to Caduceus with narrowed eyes. He stared at the other man for a moment, pink eyes seeming to pierce deep in a way you had been on the receiving end of many times before. After a bit, Caduceus simply made him promise not to cast any spells or do anything untoward. He looked at you and you made a face.

 

“I don’t like you,” you opened, stepping closer to the table and leaning against it. “But Ophelia trusts you, and I trust her to not hire me for a dead job.” In a flash, you pulled your blade from your boot and slashed open your fingertip, slamming the blade into the wood. “Go ahead.” 

 

The man laughed, leaning back in his chair and looking at you, the perpetual sweat not sliding from his forehead.

 

“I like you. Cree,” He called, and you watched as a tabaxi scurried up, opening up a satchel and pulling out a small blade for Caduceus.

 

“I can do it.” You watched as a beetle crawled from his staff onto his hand, mandibles coming down as blood welled from his fingertip. 

 

“Oh! How curious.” The tabaxi woman, Cree, you assumed, pulled out two vials and began moving two fingers, pulling blood from both your body and Caduceus’, the blood swirling and dancing in the air before coming down into the vials. The blood from your finger stopped, and as the last of your blood went into the vial you licked the tip of your fingertip to clean up any excess as Cree thanked you both before turning to the rest of the party, a little bit away from you and Caduceus. Caduceus looked about for a moment, taking in the room as you edged closer to him, standing by his side.

 

After a few more discussions, the party turned to drinking, introducing Caduceus to alcohol and getting you to howl with laughter as he hacked and coughed on the burn of whiskey. You signaled for another shot from the bartender, watching as he placed it in front of Caduceus and quickly plucking it away for a quick shot. That was one thing you had missed in the grove; there was no alcohol. 

 

By the end of the night, you were full of whiskey and a warm feeling that filled your stomach as you were carried out of the bar on Caduceus’ shoulders, laughing and swaying as he held on to your thighs and you kept them tightly pressed against the sides of his head. Beau threw a few cherry bombs and you shrieked, the sound quickly turning into laughter as you leaned forward onto Caduceus’ head and watched the explosions going off in the streets. Nott began to glow as Beau hollered about Molly, the absolute chaos warming your heart as you watched it from above.

 

When you woke up the next morning, your head was pounding and Caduceus was clinging tightly to you as always. For a moment, you could almost pretend you were in the temple, almost pretend you couldn’t hear someone else lightly snoring in the room as you lay there with your back pressed against the wall and your chest against Caduceus’.

 

“Good morning, Dewdrop,” he murmured, tail tightening around your thigh for a moment before loosening, as if he was trying to comfort you. “Let me just…” He placed a hand on your forehead and you felt your headache melt away as you went limp in his grasp out of sheer relief.

 

“Thank you, Caddy,” you whispered, rocking back and forth a little bit in the bed and listening to it squeak slightly. “Are we staying with them?” He hummed, looking you in the eyes as a hand lazily played with your hair.

 

“I think so. I need to go east, and I think they can get me there.” You nodded, looking away from him to stare at the ceiling. He made a soft noise of disapproval and tapped your cheek, getting you to look at him again. “What about you?” You shrugged.

 

“I go where you go, Caddy. I think I can be something if I follow you, you know?” Your hands came up, twirling a strand of his hair in your hands. “I wasn’t going to be something back in Shadycreek Run.” He nodded, slowly blinking with those long, soft eyelashes of his that you couldn’t help but stare at. “I’d like to be something.”

 

“You’re already something to me, Dewdrop,” he murmured, pushing his face into your hair as you smiled and gently punched him in the chest with a stifled giggle. 

 

“You’re a complete and utter sap, Cad,” you said, when you heard someone else walking out of the room, shutting the door. “Who was that?”

 

“Fjord. We’re sharing a room with him, because he doesn’t have one anymore.” You nodded, pressing back up against his chest with a sigh. 

 

For a moment, Beau’s voice came back to you.  _ You’re stupidly in love. _ You frowned where he couldn’t see it, swallowing heavily.

 

Maybe this wasn’t what friendships were like. You internally tried to shrug the thought off, chewing on your lower lip.

 

“We should probably eat,” you said, sitting upright and rolling out of bed. “Take advantage of being in civilization.” He nodded, following behind you as you dashed down the stairs of the Leaky Tap.

 

Over the next few weeks, the Nein stayed in Zadash, taking care of various orders of business. Caduceus sometimes left without you, leaving you aimlessly wandering through Zadash with your leftover coin.

 

One of the few things you had been buried with was a key you kept hidden on your person at all times, and the black, seemingly handkerchief tied to it.

 

Sometimes, when no eyes were on you and you were alone in your shared room at the Leaky Tap, you would quietly lock the door, untie the black cloth, and place it on the wall before climbing in with the key. You had nabbed the hole off of a traveling merchant years ago, keeping its existence fully hidden from anyone else as you stockpiled coin, your rogue materials, and a few extra things for emergency. And coin was useful to have in Zadash, more than almost anything else.

 

-

 

When you weren’t alone, sometimes members of the Mighty Nein would cautiously approach you. Jester was the first one to do so in Zadash.

 

“So,” she said as she sat down next to you downstairs at a table, holding out a bag of pastries for you. You took one, looking at her curiously. “Fjord told me about you and Caduceusssssss,” she said in a sing-song tone, taking out a donut for herself and beginning to eat it.

 

“We’re not together,” you responded, ripping into the flaky pastry in your hands.

 

“Really?” Jester gave you a disbelieving look, propping both of her elbows up on the table. “Because it sounds JUST like one of my romance novels,” she said, emphasizing the sentence with hand gestures.

 

“Romance novels have never really been my thing, but they aren’t known for being realistic,” you replied, taking another bite of pastry. “Anyways, we’re just like this out of necessity.”

 

“Oh, it must have been so cold in that temple in winter,” she said, blue tail curling around behind her as she smirked. You tiredly rolled your eyes, leaning back in your chair.

 

“It actually was,” you said flatly, making direct eye contact.

 

“I should take you to the smut shop,” she whispered, a grin on her face as she leaned in towards you.

 

“I…” before you knew what was happening, she had taken you by the hand and was pulling you out of the Leaky Tap as you tried to hold your coat shut with your free hand.

 

“Jester, where are we going?” She just laughed, holding tightly to your hand as you conceded and began to run beside her through the streets. Knowing Jester, this would at least be entertaining if not downright hilarious. As you both ran, she dragged you towards the Tri-spires and you could see the large marble walls looming. Jester bounded up to the walls, looking cheerfully at the two guards at the gates.

 

“Hello! I have business at the Pillow Trove!” The two guards nodded.

 

“Picking up mail again?” She quickly nodded, giving them both big smiles.

 

“She’s my bodyguard, she’ll be coming with me.” The guards conceded, clearly quite used to the blue tiefling bounding up to the gates like this. Jester pulled you through the gate, your gaze flying upwards as you gawked at all of the buildings. “Have you never seen a town this big?” You shook your head, looking down towards her.

 

“I’ve spent my entire life in Shadycreek Run. My mom tried to ship me away for school but…” You trailed off, coming up to walk next to Jester. “There wasn’t really any money until I started working.” Jester looked at you curiously.

 

“When did you start working?” You shrugged, head turning all sorts of different directions as Jester began to lead you towards some smaller streets.

 

“I don’t know. Before I was fifteen. Gave me to a family for a year at a time and they’d pay her depending on my labor.” Jester made a face, dragging you into a small shop where a bell jingled at your entry and immediately bringing you to the back. Along the way, you caught sight of scroll full of painted nudes.

 

“I never had to work.” You held your tongue, biting down a few bitter comments as you reminded yourself that this was someone who had almost been sold into slavery very recently. “Here we are!” she whispered, leading you among the shelves and beginning to pull down books for you to look at. “I have a copy of Tusk Love you can borrow if you want – it’s about a half-orc and a merchant girl, it’s VERY good,” she said, examining covers before passing them to you. “Scent of the Sea I think is about a sailor of some kind probably, Guard of My Heart is kinda sweet, Shallow Breaths is supposed to be good, Zemnian Nights is  _ very _ popular-” your arms were filling with books, each cover being replaced with another before you could really look.

 

“Jester, Jester can I just – can I look at these before you start passing me more?” She nodded, and you began flipping through the books, reading stray pages as your face slowly got hotter. “These are-”

 

“They’re supposed to be like that,” Jester whispered, grinning widely.

 

“Oh.” You sighed, randomly flipping through the books repeatedly and getting rid of the options you weren’t really interested in. Eventually, you cut it down to just  _ Guard of My Heart _ and  _ Shallow Breaths _ . After a moment, you set down  _ Shallow Breaths _ and quietly held  _ Guard of My Heart _ to your chest. “This one.” Jester clapped, and fairly soon you were walking out with your pockets five gold lighter and clutching the book to your chest.

 

“You didn’t strike me as a cute love story type!” Jester was skipping beside you, watching as you took short, quick steps through the Tri-spires.

 

“It seemed like a good book,” you shot back as you passed out of the marble walls back into the Pentamarket as you and Jester began making your way back to the Leaky Tap. 

 

“I’m not judging,” she said continuing to skip. “I just think you and Caduceus are ADORABLE.” You shook your head with a sigh, looking at the grey sky for a moment.

 

“Not together,” you replied once again.

 

“But you want to be,” Jester replied.

 

You didn’t talk to her for the rest of the journey back to the tavern, and quickly retreated back to your room once you returned. That night, Caduceus came in to you with your nose buried in the book, slowly making your way with your fairly unused reading skills.

 

“What’s that?” You jumped, looking up and carefully closing the book before placing it in your pack.

 

“Jester bought it for me,” you calmly said, trying to keep your voice steady. “I don’t think you’d like it.” Caduceus looked at you for a moment, pierced ear twitching before he kept going about his business. 

 

“I trust your judgement.”

 

-

 

The rest of the first week continued on for a few more days, until you ran into Caleb upstairs as he headed towards the stairs and you did the same. The two of you looked at each other for a moment, blinking in surprise in almost unison. After a moment, he began moving down the stairs before you grabbed his wrist, getting him to turn back and look at you with an annoyed expression.

 

“You’re Zemnian, right?” He blinked in surprise once again as you began following him down the stairs, still holding tight to his wrist.

 

“ _ Ja _ . Why do you ask?” Your mouth opened and closed, and the next thing came flying out of your mouth before you could stop it.

 

“How did you get used to this?” He slowly walked out of the door, clearly letting you follow him and ramble as you went. “The big city. Because this is the biggest place I’ve ever been, and definitely the richest, and I grew up in Shadycreek.” He seemed to ponder the question a bit, pulling his filthy coat tight around him and seeming to try to sink into it.

 

“I am still not used to it,” he said, walking onwards with you keeping pace. “But I have friends with me to help.” You bit your lip, nodding as you continued to follow him. “Perhaps Caduceus can help you,  _ ja _ ?” You laughed, shaking your head.

 

“No. I at least have been outside of my home. He hasn’t really left since you all came along.” Caleb fell back a little bit, coming to walk beside you.

 

“How far have you gone?” You pressed your lips together tightly, thinking for a moment.

 

“Hupperdook. My mother, she had obtained passage for me to Rexxentrum, so she could send me to school. Not Soltryce, just for a school that had agreed to take me in exchange for a few things. I made to Hupperdook before the people taking me robbed me blind and left me.” You shrugged, not meeting Caleb’s eyes.

 

“How did you get home?”

 

“I worked in Hupperdook for a few months and sent my mother a letter telling her the situation. I got enough money for supplies, and I walked.” Caleb nodded, and you could tell he was merely taking in the information for some purpose you couldn’t pin down. “I was ten at the time. When I got home, I went back to working. That was life.”

 

“That seems an awfully harsh life,” he said, scratching at his beard. You shrugged, noticing that once again, you were walking towards the Tri-spires. “Do you intend to stay with us?” You blinked, glancing over at Caleb out of the corner of your eye.

 

“I intend to stay with Caduceus. If he stays with you, I follow.” Caleb nodded.

 

“You two seem very devoted to each other,” he said, and you pulled your coat a little tighter.

 

“It’s not like that. Why does everyone think it’s like that?” Caleb looked over at you, stopping in the street.

 

“Because it’s very clear that you two are, you care deeply for one another.” With that Caleb put a hand on your shoulder, leaving it there for a moment before letting it slide off. “I will see you, later,  _ ja _ ?” You nodded, and he turned towards the Tri-spires, searching through the Interstead Sprawl, leaving you behind in the Pentamarket, staring after him before you turned around and began to wander about the market.

 

Caleb was a strange man, and a troubled one.

 

You had seen the eyes of people who had killed for the first time, and his were hauntingly similar.

 

As you wandered about the Pentamarket, you began peeking into shops, looking about and browsing, you poked your head into a shop and found yourself confronted with two identical firbolgs, both at separate ends of the shop. You blinked, looking back and forth between the two of the, before they both turned around to face you.

 

“Well hi there,” one of them said, climbing down off of a ladder and coming to greet you. “How can I help you? I’m afraid our stock is a little thin today, our best customers have already come through.” You blinked, looking back and forth between the two firbolgs.

 

“I’ve never seen a firbolg duplicate themselves,” you blurted out, getting you a chuckle from the one standing in front of you.

 

“Ah, we’re just simulacrum. I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself.” He extended a gentle hand and you shook it, looking up at his smile. “Pumat Sol. Pumat Prime is in the back. How can I help you?”

 

“I wasn’t expecting this but, um…” you trailed off, tapping your foot against the ground as you tried to put words together. “If I got two daggers made-” you pulled the one from your boot. “-like this one, would you be able to put an enchantment on it for me? The ones I’m having made, they’re of sentimental value, really.” Pumat thought for a moment, going behind the counter and pulling out a thick book, putting small glasses on his nose before flicking through the pages.

 

“What kind of enchantment are you looking for? We could do a simple returning one, magically attach the daggers to a holding belt, or maybe you’re looking for a more intricate type of thing?” You thought for a moment, twirling your current dagger in your hands. 

 

“I think a returning one. I want to avoid losing them at all costs. How much would that run?” Pumat flicked back through his book, clearly checking the prices of previous orders.

 

“It would take about a week, I’d guess, and probably run you about five hundred gold I’d guess.” You nodded, crossing your arms over your chest.

 

“I’ll get back to you, Mr. Sol. I need to get this wood fashioned and dagger blades made, but I’ll do my best to give myself enough time before leaving town.” You began walking backwards towards the door, giving Pumat Sol a happy wave. “See you soon!” with that, you were out the door, making your way happily back to the Leaky Tap.

 

In the next week, you managed to talk to both a woodworker and a blacksmith, and once the woodworker finished the handles for your new daggers, you immediately took them to the blacksmith to have them be completed. For those services, you ended up putting down a total of twenty gold, and you were going to be able to pick them up at the end of the week.

 

In the space in between, you spent a lot of time in your room, face buried in the book you had bought. You didn’t want to be so engrossed in it, but the more you read, the more… enchanted you were. The soft love story was unlike anything you had seen happen, and you couldn’t help but be fascinated by it.

 

One day, while you were engrossed in the book, you heard the door creak open and you peeked underneath the bed you were sitting on the other side of, and you saw small goblin feet creeping in. You slid underneath the bed, pulling the book with you to hide any sign of you as Nott scurried over to your pack. You could hear her clinking through jars, so you silently crawled out the other side of the bed, creeping towards her before picking her up by the waist and spinning her around in midair.

 

“What have we got here?” Nott shrieked, forcing you to slap a hand over her mouth. “Hush. I’m not going to hurt you, but you’re stupid to try and steal from me.” She wormed about, and you set her down before you ran over to your door and held it shut with your body. “What were looking for?”

 

“Anything,” she said, still clearly very defensive in her body language. “Molly told me to steal from grumpy people, and you’re a grumpy person.” You stuck your tongue out, still standing spread eagle across the door. 

 

“I haven’t got much. I have jam. What are you really looking for?” Nott’s body was quivering, her fight or flight responses clearly working overtime. 

 

“Nothing.” You looked at her disbelievingly, and she growled at you. “I’m looking for your money.” You scoffed.

 

“You aren’t going to find it. And rogue to rogue, you’re not the quietest. Take a few things of jam and get out. And believe me, I will know if you take anything else.” You stepped away from the door, and Nott scooped up a few jars of jam (you made sure it was just jam) before bolting out the door. You shut it behind her, exhaling and snatching your book from underneath the bed before returning to reading on the floor.

 

Honestly, you didn’t know if you were more ashamed to be in this situation because you were reading a romance novel, or because you had a backpack full of jam with a few actual things you needed.

 

The romance novel.

 

It was the romance novel.

 

At the end of the week, you picked up your daggers and brought them to Pumat Sol, giving him the five hundred gold and a wave before leaving.

 

-

 

The next day, Caduceus didn’t go out with anyone else, just stayed in the room with you, preparing tea with his staff and calmly drinking it on the floor. You wanted to pull out the romance novel, to let yourself be absorbed in the fantasy-like love story that you struggled to believe could exist anywhere. But you were weirdly ashamed to read it in front of him.

 

“Do you want to go to a bathhouse?” You looked up from your spot on the bed, blinking a few times. “I understand if you don’t, I just thought it sounded enjoyable.” You hopped off of the bed, coming to sit on the floor next to Caduceus.

 

“That sounds kinda nice. Especially since we haven’t really gotten to see each other except at night, lately.” He nodded, and you both fell back into the familiar pose of you leaned up against him and his head on top of yours. It was a familiarly comforting pose, and you took a deep breath before letting your eyes close for a moment. 

 

“We should probably get going.” You nodded, letting him pull you to your feet as you linked your arms together and began to walk downstairs with him.

 

You both walked to the bath house in silence, simply keeping your arms linked together as you wandered through the city. Eventually you made your way to Steam’s Respite and went in, pooling some money together for a private before you went in and began stripping. It was easy being near Caduceus, you found. You had been nude together many times before in a nonsexual manner, and tucking yourself under his arm as the two of you sat in the warm water, letting the salt from your sweat drift into the water, you could feel yourself relaxing. 

 

“I don’t know what to think of this group,” you said, looking up at him. “But I’ve been preparing to travel further with them. I’ve had new daggers made, and they’re being enchanted by Pumat Sol. I figure that if we’re going with them, I need something better than one shitty backup dagger.” Caduceus nodded, resting his chin on your head. 

 

“They seem to be trying to do good. And I think they can get me where I’m going,” he said. You nodded, nervously fidgeting with your hands.

 

“I’m just worried things will go bad.” Caduceus made a soft humming sound.

 

“Because of your nightmares?” You swallowed, not looking at him as you quietly pushed the water around.

 

“Yeah.” Caduceus nodded thoughtfully.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

 

The two of you sat in comfortable silence for the rest of the time, at one point diving to the bottom of the tub and sitting there together.

 

As you got out and began towelling yourself off, you felt two eyes on your back but brushed it off, figuring it was just Caduceus. After a moment, wrapping the towel around you, you felt two arms slip around your waist as a familiar pink nose pressed into your shoulder, accompanied by his body pressed against your back.

 

“Hello to you too,” you murmured, gently rubbing his cheek as you tried to ignore the sudden flush on your cheeks. “We have to get going.” with a cow-like snort of air, Caduceus let go of you and began to dress. You did the same, and soon the two of you were walking back to the Leaky Tap.

 

Time went on.

 

You picked up your daggers from Pumat Sol during the week.

 

Eventually the Mighty Nein left Zadash and was rattling along the road. Days blended together, the only real variation being who was at the front of the cart guiding it. It wasn’t until you got to Alfield that there was a change. The Nein had apparently been through this town before and helped it out. It was that night where the group started talking about the dick’s Jester had seen and her top dick. She brought up Molly again, and you just quietly drank some ale while contemplating the fact that Caduceus’ dick was probably better.

 

You choked a bit on your ale, coughing and prompting Caduceus to pat you on the back as you went bright red and kept coughing. You weren’t supposed to be thinking that. You weren’t supposed to be even vaguely thinking about that at all. He was a  _ friend _ , Caduceus was a friend, not someone to add to a list of good dicks.

 

He was your  _ friend _ .

 

“You alright?” Caduceus was whispering into your ear and you quickly nodded, taking another sip of ale to help ease your coughing fit.

 

“Yeah,” you whispered back, taking a deep breath and steadying yourself. “I’m good.”

 

“Dewdrop, you know you can always talk to me about anything concerning you?” You nodded, patting his thigh. 

 

“I know, Caddy.” The drinking and talking continued, Caduceus feigning the action as always before the two of you retired for the night before everyone else. As you were climbing into bed and pressing up against Caduceus, you reached up and tapped his nose. He looked down at you curiously, soft eyelashes fluttering as he blinked.

 

“Yes?” You were quiet for a moment, thinking about how to ask this question.

 

“Caddy, why do you call me dewdrop?” He smiled, gently holding your cheek and pushing your hair out of your eyes. You suppressed a slight shiver at the touch, slowly blinking at the gentle contact.

 

“Because you remind me of dewdrops.” You gave him a look.

 

“I’m not purple. You know that, right?” He chuckled and nodded.

 

“I know. Also, water drops stick to your skin. Water just soaks into me, but it stays above your skin. Just hovering their. Like little drops of dew. It’s quite beautiful,” he replied, and you nodded.

 

The two of you stayed there in silence for a bit, staring at the darkness of the room as Caduceus’ tail gently wrapped itself around your thigh.

 

“We’re friends, right?” You watched Caduceus rapidly blink, looking down at you curiously.

 

“Of course.” You nodded, pressing your face into his chest so he couldn’t see the worried expression across your face. He was your friend. Just your friend, you reminded yourself again. You weren’t going to ruin this. You weren’t going to lose your first and only friend by the sudden surge of other feelings in your chest lately. “Hey,” Caduceus murmured, making you pull your face away from his chest.

 

He shifted and brought his extended pinky towards you, a concerned look across his face as his ears flicked. 

 

“Promise you’ll tell me if anything is wrong?” You looked at his pinky for a moment, considering the promise.

 

You locked pinkies with him and squeezed. 

 

“I promise.” He smiled.

 

“You can’t break a pinky promise,” he murmured

 

“I’ll have to remember that,” you murmured back, a smile smile crossing your face.

 

He smiled back in return, and the two of you eventually settled into sleep before Fjord came in for the night, leaving the two of you undisturbed as he closed the door behind him and crawled into bed.

 

-

 

Travel continued. 

 

The Mighty Nein went on into Trostenwald, and there was a strange encounter with a half-elven man in jail where Caduceus set down all of his money to free the man, and a few other members of the Nein did as well.

 

You had seen the stare Caduceus had given the other man. It was one of his stares where his eyes far more than the surface, where his eyes dug in and searched a soul for anything he found interesting and pried it out and into his head.

 

He had given you that stare before, when you were a newcomer to the grove, when he still couldn’t tell your motivations.

 

It still wasn’t any less scary to watch.

 

That night, you went on a walk with Caduceus, his staff lit up with a Light spell so he could see as well as you could. The night air was chilly, but with how far south you were, it wasn’t nearly as chilled as it could been had you been back up north, swaddled by the branches of the WIldmother’s garden.

 

“Do you want to talk about anything in particular?” You looked up at him, watching as his eyelashes slowly fluttered. On an impulse, you raised a knuckle up to his eyes and grinned as his eyelashes rapidly fluttered as he leaned back in surprise.

 

“Sorry,” you quickly blurted. “It’s just – your eyelashes are so pretty. They’re soft. They’re just – they’re just amazing,” you quickly said, feeling your face get hotter as you spoke. Caduceus smiled gently down at you, ruffling your hair.

 

“It’s okay. Just warn me next time,” he chuckled, continuing to walk with you sticking close to him. “But what did you want to talk about?” You bit your lip, thinking it over. You hadn’t come out here with the intention of talking to him about something in particular, but when pushed, things began to come to mind.

 

“I don’t feel good about us going to the sea.” Caduceus nodded. “Back at the temple, I had a dream too. It started like yours, with the group getting closer. And you were standing next to me, staring out at the lights. And I grabbed your hand to try to get me to look at you. And then you were drowning, and I was swimming and you were sinking.” He nodded again, pierced ear flicking as he listened.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind. I don’t want to hurry to pass judgement on the ocean, but don’t worry. I’ve listened to you.” He leaned down, a hand on your cheek as he pressed a light kiss to the center of your forehead. “My apologies for not being quite as… tactile as we were in the graveyard. I’ve been unsure if you want to tone that down in front of the others.” He hadn’t pulled away yet, his forehead now against yours.

 

“It’s okay, Caddy. I’ve missed it, but we still share a bed.” Shifting, you pushed yourself up onto your tip-toes so that Caduceus could straighten up some, and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. “You’re a good friend.”

 

The word twisted in your stomach but you kept a smile on your face.

 

“Should we head back?” You looked at the two moons in the sky, biting your lip at Caduceus’ question.

 

“Probably. But I don’t really want to.” Caduceus paused. 

 

“Return to the tavern, or return to the group?” Melora, why was he so perceptive? Sometimes it drove you crazy.

 

“Either, really. They bother me.” He chuckled, causing you to cross your arms in annoyance.

 

“Ruffle your fur too much?” You went to protest but his gentle hand came down on your head and smoothed back your hair, making you begrudgingly relax. 

 

“They pester me with questions. Beau is decent enough, but she bothers me with questions sometimes. Nott’s fingers aren’t as quick as they should be-”

 

“I don’t think you should be judging her as a rogue.”

 

“Well, I am. Caleb is fine. He’s hiding something, but it’s easy to see. Fjord is nice enough, I guess, and Jester gets on my nerves.” You kept rattling along, your complaints becoming meaningless as you and Caduceus walked back to the tavern.

 

At one point, he slipped his hand into yours and your voice stuttered, but you caught yourself quickly enough that you thought that maybe he didn’t notice. 

 

When you arrived back at the front of the tavern, Caduceus stopped and turned to you, gently whispering into your ear. 

 

“Jester and Nott are right behind us.” You stood still, listening closely to him. “The building to the right.” You nodded, whispering back.

 

“I’m going to pretend to stab you to make them react. Just a little game,” you murmured, and you nodded, carefully unsheathing a dagger and feinting as if you were driving a dagger into his gut. 

 

A crossbow bolt flew by your ear, and you darted behind Caduceus as a cleric spell buzzed by your ear.

 

“TRAITOR,” Nott screamed as you howled with laughter, Caduceus picking you up by the waist and letting you legs kick away from him in glee.

 

“Oh Gods, that was so worth it,” you said, head brought in towards your chest in laughter as you pointed at the two of them, body shaking as Caduceus kept you suspended. “Maybe next time you don’t follow us, huh?”

 

“We weren’t following you,” Nott spat, and Caduceus tilted his head to the side. 

 

“No, you were following us.” You hollered in success, pointing at Nott and Jester with an accusing finger. Jester pouted, crossing her arms in front of herself.

 

“But you’re so  _ cute _ to watch,” she complained, and you felt your face go hot. 

 

“No we’re not,” you snapped, dropping out of Caduceus’ arms onto the ground and pulling a dagger. “And I don’t take kindly to people prying into my life. So don’t do it again.” With that you grabbed Caduceus’ hand and pulled him back inside the tavern, fuming as you brought him up the stairs and sat down in the hallway. You pressed your back against the wall and slid down, bringing him with you instead of walking into the room with Fjord. You still wanted to talk to him, but you didn’t want to be watched by two snitches. You kept holding his hand, letting the soft warmness envelop your hand as you sat there, other hand balled into a fist as you shook slightly.

 

“Do you want to talk about why they made you upset?” Caduceus’ voice was barely a whisper, but your eyes were still on the staircase up. On a hunch, you threw a dagger into the wall of the stairwell, listening for people responding. 

 

The dagger blinked back to your belt without a sound. 

 

“I don’t like…” you bit your lip, feeling a slight sting as you licked away a forming bead of blood. “I don’t like people making assumptions about me. I’ve been an outsider for long enough.” You pressed your thumb to your lip and attempted to staunch the bleeding, running your teeth across your upper lip, back and forth as you dug in to your flesh. Caduceus gently pulled your jaw open, preventing you from causing yourself further harm.

 

His pink eyes stared at you and you shivered, and you knew that was all he needed to read you.

 

“You pinky promised me.”

 

“I can’t fucking talk when you’re holding my jaw,” you mumbled the best you could, your words sounding semi-slurred. He let go and you promptly shut your mouth, lips pressed tightly together. 

 

“Dewdrop,” he whispered, eyes becoming soft and sad as he looked at you, his voice distressed. “You can’t break a pinky promise.” You ran your teeth over the freshly opened wound on your lip feeling the sting as you began nervously bouncing your legs.

 

“Nothing is technically wrong, Caddy,” you said, still holding tightly to his hand. “They just got to me and I should just-” Melora, those were tears that was running down your face right now. You didn’t want that. “I should just-” your closing throat cut you off again, and you just climbed into Caduceus’ lap, pressing your face into his chest as you began to have hiccuping sobs. You heard Caduceus sigh, and he tapped you thigh as an arm slid underneath your behind and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you into the room you shared with Fjord, helping you out of your belt of daggers and pulling off your boots while you tried to stifle your tears. Eventually, he crawled into bed with you, holding you and rubbing your back. 

 

The next morning, you woke up to being sat upright and handed a cup of tea. You sleepily looked at Caduceus standing over, his face devoid of his usual smile in a way that frightened you. You glanced over at the other bed and found it empty. 

 

You took a shaky sip of tea. 

 

“Nott and Jester have apologized to me for last night,” he began, starting to fasten on his armor. “They’ll be apologizing to you later.” He stood in silence for a few minutes, finishing the fastening process of his breastplate. “I’d appreciate an apology. And an explanation.” You nodded, bringing the cup close to your chest and thinking for a moment.

 

“I don’t like people insinuating that I’m in relationships with other people because I’m used to exploiting relationships to kill people.” Caduceus looked over at you, unimpressed.

 

“That’s true, but that’s not why they made you upset.” You made a face, looking down into the teacup.

 

“I don’t know. It’s dumb. It’s really dumb.” You ran your finger around the edge of the cup, letting your loose hair fall down your shoulder and brush against your arm.

 

“It’s important to me.” He came over and sat down on the bed, looking you in the face as you kept your gaze on the cup. “If it’s bothering you this much, it’s important to me.” You kept your eyes locked on your finger swirling around the teacup’s rim.

 

“There’s a book in my bag,” you said, still not looking up. “Maybe get it out.” Caduceus obliged, pulling out  _ Guard of My Heart _ and looking at the cover.

 

“You said I wouldn’t like it,” he said, a small smile appearing on his face. “It’s a… romance novel,” he murmured, flushing slightly as he began to slowly read the back cover.

 

“Yeah, I just said that because I was embarrassed to have bought it.” 

 

“It looks like you’ve read it multiple times.” You nodded, looking up.

 

“Yeah. Because it was… it was weird for me to see a relationship like that? Where the two people loved each other? And I know it’s not realistic, but it was so weird to read the first time around.” Caduceus’ eyes were on you now, and you kept rambling. “My mom raised us alone before she died, and I guess she loved my dad, but he disappeared, and all the relationships I saw in Shadycreek were for power and money. Marriage wasn’t a special thing.” You kept looking at the teacup, finger flying faster around the edge in your anxiety. “And it made me kind of want that. And that made me feel strange. And then I felt stranger because I knew who I wanted it with, but I didn’t want to mess up what I already had, you know?” Caduceus looked over at you, long eyelashes fluttering.

 

“Is this a roundabout way of saying you have… certain feelings for me?” You set the teacup to the side and stared at your lap as you nodded. “Oh.”

 

You felt your heart freeze up a little, but it was quickly melted by a warm chuckle and a kiss pressed to the top of your head by Caduceus.

 

“I had thought that we were already past this part,” Caduceus said, lifting your chin up so you could see his face.

 

“What?” Caduceus turned his head to the side and blinked.

 

“I thought I had made my feelings clear. My apologies,” he murmured, and you gave him a look of confusion.

 

“Caddy, when?” He chuckled, pulling his hand away as you stared at him.

 

“I told you that I thought you were very pretty, and kissed your forehead, and you returned the gesture.” Your mouth opened and closed.

 

“Oh. I hadn’t even figured out how I felt then,” you said, and Caduceus made a soft sound.

 

“I assumed since you had…” He trailed off, a growing smile on both of your faces as the two of you began to laugh, you covering your mouth to stifle the sound as Caduceus tilted his head back to let the sound flow loose. After a few moments, the two of you calmed down your laughter and looked at each other.

 

“Can I kiss you since apparently we’ve been together since spring as far as you knew?” Caduceus nodded, and you reached down to hesitantly press a quick, chaste kiss to his lips, almost doubting this was happening. You looked at him after the kiss, and he slowly blinked, letting you watch as his lashes moved. You grinned and kissed him again, letting him clumsily kiss you back this time.

 

For a moment, you didn’t care about your nightmares. Or about what the Nein thought. 

 

You just enjoyed his bright pink beard rubbing against your face as he pressed his soft lips to yours, giving you hope that maybe you could live a happy life with him once you fixed the graveyard.

 

Once you made things better, you could help him build another place to Melora, and you could help him run it.

 

But right now you just had him and he just had you. A dewdrop on neon pink lichen. 

 

-

 

“Are you trying to tell me that he thought you were dating Dad and you were busy worrying about whether or not he liked you?”

 

“Yeah. That is what I’m trying to say.”

 

“You were always like that.”

 

“And you loved me and my pretty face anyways.”

 

“I did, Dewdrop. I do.”

 


End file.
